2018 An Attempt At Balance.

I just wrote that title and my first thought was yeah good luck with that.

We’re only five days into the new year and one quick glance at the headlines shows that balance may be a problem considering the absolutely amazing shit show we’ve seen thus far.

But, when it comes to my personal life, balance may be an achievable goal.

As a country we’ve certainly lost our balance, our ability to have nuanced discussions on a multitude of topics from politics to social issues and everything in between.

This is unfortunate but perhaps if we can find the balance in ourselves we can begin to apply that to the world.

Yeah I won’t hold my breath.

For me the new year weekend was a time of reflection.  I decided, instead of doing my usual eating pizza and watching movies thing, that I would do a 3 day fast/cleanse to truly reflect on my past year and think about my goals for the upcoming year.

Really I learned a lot.  Mainly however I learned that it was a really stupid thing to do.

No one should be sitting on their couch on new years eve thinking FUCK I’M HUNGRY!

But there were some positives that came out of it.

A) Most importantly I learned that if you are going to do a cleanse like this, don’t do it over a holiday when you should be shoving food into your cakehole.

B) It did seem to reset my sugar craving which had been very high as of late.  I’m sure it’ll get back up there eventually but to not actually be craving donuts and other things has helped in resetting my eating habits.  Which can only be a plus.

However the biggest benefit was the insight I gained during the time I was fasting.

Before I got sober a little over four years ago I was an incredibly aggressive and self destructive person.  Not to say that I was an asshole…though I certainly was more of one than I am now; I was fairly quick to anger and that anger was never channeled in a positive way.

Anger rarely is.

But, since getting sober I’ve really tried to better myself and to become a better person in all aspects of my life.

One of the keys to this new path has been meditation.  Meditation is wonderful and I do think its benefits far out way any detriments. However, it is possible (in my opinion) that I may have been meditating too much.

I was meditating every day for about 20 minutes, but sometimes on Saturdays and Sundays when I had a lot of time I would meditate for up to an hour or even hour and a half.

Now of course on the surface there’s nothing wrong with that.  It’s certainly better than drinking or using and of course it’s not hurting anybody.  However, I do think I have gone too far to the other side of who I was before.

I have found that perhaps there is a greater timidity to my personality than there used to be.  I am less driven than I used to be, because I am simply happy living in the moment.

I have found that, while I do not want to be overly aggressive, I may in fact not be aggressive enough in my everyday life.

It’s hard to describe and when I say aggressive I don’t mean just going around being a dick, I simply mean feeling that fire, that passion that drives people and can even contribute to your self worth.

And I want that back.

I don’t want the fire to turn to anger as it used to.  I want that fire to feed my passion.

Passion is the engine of the creative and that fire needs to be stoked constantly and evenly so that the engine neither dies nor explodes and I am determined to find that again in 2018.

The middle ground, the center path.  Able to bend without breaking.

To run through the forest without setting the fucking thing on fire in my wake.

This I believe is not only attainable but will in fact be incredibly positive.

So that is what I learned, this is my goal for 2018.

I’m not calling it a resolution, my resolve was set when I got sober.

It is simply a reminder that we all do better when living in balance.

Okay that’s all the hippie bullshit I have time for folks.

I do hope everybody had a great new year and that you are moving forward into 2018 in a positive way.

See y’all next week.

Jonathan

Hey look, links to crap:

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  A quick end of the year conversation.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod Are we living in a simulated universe?

As usual you can follow me on twitter, Instagram and facebook.

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

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Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

If you’re in Los Angeles head on over to Skylight Books in Los Feliz and pick up a copy there. They’re a great independent bookstore and it’s a nice way to show support for them.  We need all the independent stores we can get.

 

 

 

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