I’m ready to admit I can’t do this alone.

Hey all,

Thanks for stopping by the mothership.  I hope everyone had an awesome week and has some fun stuff planned for this weekend.

This week it’s all about putting ego aside and admitting when you need help.  I think we’ve all been here before.  We start something and think I can handle this.  I can do this on my own. And honestly nine times out of ten we can.

However, there are times when perhaps our pride, or even our delusional nature of being stronger than we are can get in the way and before long, instead of asking for help we find ourselves in way over our head.

I think perhaps I’m getting to that point and I’m going to put ego aside and ask for help.

The short of it is, that for the past couple of months I’ve been doing my darnedest to get blocked by the President of the United States on twitter.  When I heard he’d blocked people I thought Now there’s something I could hang my hat on.

However, it doesn’t seem to be working.  I’ve created memes, I’ve been condescending, borderline offensive and have gone full on ridicule at times.  I’ve been ending my tweets with #tinyhands #sad #adulterer #lowiq and many others.

I’ve even created a whole series of tweets and memes called Kim Jong Don.

Nothing seems to be working, so I guess it’s time to ask for help.

I’m not asking you to follow me, I’m simply asking that if you have a twitter account, if you see one of my tweets that you find particularly funny then just give it a re-tweet.  Maybe, through cooperation we can get me blocked by the most powerful man in the world.

I do not plan on filing a law suit, like some who have been blocked.  It would simply be a badge of pride for me and honestly as the year draws to a close, a really great way to end 2017.

Now if you are a conservative and voted for President Trump that’s fine and I encourage you to get on board this as well.  Because if I’m blocked by him people won’t see my tweets so you can count that as a victory.

Also, I don’t want to hear that I’m disrespecting the President.  I have not once, tweeted at or replied to any tweets under the official POTUS twitter account.  That would be disrespectful to the office and I would never do that.  And honestly if President Trump only tweeted under the POTUS account I wouldn’t engage.

But he and his staff have made it very clear that even though he is the President; when he tweets under his personal account he’s simply tweeting as a citizen.

That makes it fair game in my book.  I would never disrespect the office of the President, but constitutionally speaking I’m totally within my rights to belittle the man.

So you see I’m not trying to divide us or pick a fight with my conservative friends, I’m trying to bring us all together under the banner of free speech.

‘MERICA!

Seriously I’ve put a lot of work into this and I think I just need a little help.  So if you’re willing, if you’re ready to help a fellow American, I would appreciate it.  But hey, if not that’s cool too.

But I think it would be awesome if I logged onto twitter one morning and found I’d been blocked by President Trump.

I’ve created a bunch of memes, some I’m more proud of than others and I’m going to post some here for you to use if you’d like.  So you get some cool free prizes today too.

Here’s one I’m pretty proud of:

dosxx

 

I’m also pretty proud of these:

1xdh5r

 

maralago

I’m not above using the Federation or House Stark either:

picard

mueller

And finally two from my Kim Jong Don series that I’m pretty proud of:

kimjong2

 

kimjong6

So there you go everybody.  It’s time to come together as Americans and get me blocked by Donald Trump on twitter.  If you love America, if you love freedom, if you believe in trolling as therapy then you cannot deny this call to action!

Or don’t, seriously it’s not that big of deal.

Over on the Perilous Podcast we’re talking about some lingering questions around 9/11.  Up on YouTube it’s our super, secret, Dulce Base Alien War episode.

YAY!

Have a great weekend and I’ll see ya next Friday.

Links below:

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

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Hey look at me not giving a fuck.

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about 9/11

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast. This week Dulce Base!

I refuse to be ashamed of how I feel!

Hey everybody,

Thanks for coming by and giving the ol’ blog a read this week.

As my regular readers know, there are times on this site that I delve into my emotions and how I wrestle with these things a lot in my sobriety.

This, again is going to be one of those times.

I’ve been struggling with some serious feelings for a while now.  I’ve tried to deny them because in the end I know it’s self destructive.  I also know it’s both embarrassing and not what our modern society would view as acceptable.

I understand that my friends will most likely shun and shame me.  But, I can no longer hide how I feel.

I have come to peace with these feelings recently and quite frankly I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore.  I’m going to be honest with how I feel and society be damned.

In short, I am in love.

But it is the object of my desire that I expect will make most people shake their heads in shock and disbelief.  But I want this and in the end truly feel I need this to be happy.

So here it goes…I’m in love with the 1977 Lincoln Continental.  More specifically the 1977 Lincoln Continental Mark V Givenchy Edition.

There; I said it.  It’s out in the open now and I will no longer deny my feelings.

I mean seriously, look at this baby!

 

 

 

60693537-770-0@2X

Yeah.  I know, I know, but the heart wants what the heart wants.  It’s just so…so green.  I mean incredibly green.  Even the inside of this baby is all green.

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Yup, that’s a lot of green.

This thing is frickin’ incredible.  It’s a bit smaller than an aircraft carrier, gets about a half mile to the gallon, is an electrical nightmare but my God it’s glorious!

The inside of the door is green, the roof is green even the mutha effin’ steering wheel is green.  It’s a miracle of ugly, undeniable insanity and I want it so badly.

And yes, to answer your question that is green shag carpet.

Regular readers may not know this about me but I’m sure all of you who actually know me will agree, that if I pulled up one day in a Porsche or say a classic Mercedes or even a muscle car you’d think Man, Latt is really trying way too hard because that is not the car for him.

However, if I pulled up in this sexy ass thing your one and only thought would be Huh.  Yeah that makes sense.

So I have decided that if I do really well this next year and my forthcoming novels make enough money I am going to throw caution to the wind and embrace this shameful love of mine and buy this undeniably horrid catastrophe of unwarranted beauty and stupidity.

I understand some of you won’t be able to look at me the same after this.  I understand that I may have lost the respect of my friends with this admission, but I honestly don’t care.

I will no longer hide how I feel and I don’t care who knows.

Just take one last look at this and tell me you don’t understand that this love is wholesome, true and right.

Okay so yeah, just having a little fun this week because of all the other terrible stuff going on in the world.  Next week will probably be a micro story or something.

But seriously, I am going to buy this fucking thing at some point.  It wont fit in my garage, it wont even fit in my driveway but I don’t care.  To me, she is beautiful and that’s all that counts.

In the meantime there’s a new podcast up all about aliens and what we can assume about extraterrestrials if they’re coming here.

Over on YouTube there’s a new video about Trump and Mueller.

And hey follow me on twitter as I continue my attempts at getting blocked by the President of the United States.

Links!

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

cropped-20151012_100243-e14448544605591.jpg

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about Alien Life.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.  This week Trump and Mueller.

 

 

 

 

Let’s talk about our right to own guns.

Well, to put things plainly, we actually don’t have the right to own guns…I say this as someone who owns guns by the way.

The first time I shot I was 8 years old, my dad took me to the gun range and we shot for about two hours.  I’m sure my experience is not much different from other Americans who enjoy shooting.

The only difference probably being that since I am from Los Angeles my first shooting experience was indoors with an Uzi and not outside with a shotgun or rifle.

Los Angeles in the 1970s was a pretty different place than it is now so you could shoot a lot of crazy crap.  My first time out I shot the Uzi and the HK94, I doubt you could do that now.

I was raised with guns, I enjoy skeet shooting and target shooting.  However, I don’t actually have the right to own a weapon and neither do you.

Let’s take a look at the second amendment shall we.

Amendment II

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Let’s look at, and consider the context here.  During the years of 1787-1788 when the constitution was being ratified there was tons of debate…some very heated about how the rights of citizens would be determined and what those rights would be.

Among many of the reasons for the establishment of the Bill of Rights (the first 10 amendments of the constitution) was to find a middle ground between a citizen’s rights under the law and the protection of the newly formed United States of America from both invasion and possible reclamation by England.

We did not have a standing army per se.  The citizen soldiers who fought in the revolution as part of the Continental Army had gone back to their lives and were mostly part of militia groups that would be activated should the need arise.

Our first true, standing army would not be formed until 1791 under the banner of the Legion of the United States.

So, during the time of ratification it was proposed that for various reasons these irregular militias and the men who would fight in them should be allowed to keep their muskets, and have them in good working order should they be called upon to defend their newly sovereign country.

Their is nothing in the second amendment about “ownership” or “recreational usage” of firearms.

Now, having said that of course many people (though less than you’d think) owned a musket.  However, this was a different time when most people still lived off the land and a gun was truly used for providing meat for the family not kept because of the fear of home invasion.

But, do keep in mind that hunting back then was done communally as well.  One man might have a musket but a “hunting party” would be formed and the deer or whatever animal was shot would be shared amongst many.

Over time the second amendment has been warped, purposefully misinterpreted and used to sell a lie.  That lie being that all Americans have the right of gun ownership and that we should be allowed to own any type of weapon and as many weapons as we want.

The loudest of these voices tend to be the ones who also shout about how they are true believers in the rights of Americans and pure constitutionalists.  Which of course they’re not.

In short none of us have the right to own a gun.  However, a lot of us do and the government is never going to come and take your guns away for many reasons.

One of them being that it is absolutely too monumental of a task to undertake.  The thought or idea that some NWO government goon squad is going to roll up on your home and confiscate your weapons is ridiculous and if you really think that’s even remotely possible you’re a fucking idiot.

Another reason is that both the NRA and the gun industry in general spend millions of dollars a year lobbying (buying the whores in congress) for ever more loose definitions of the second amendment.  They do this under the guise of protecting a citizen’s freedom but that’s not really why they do it.

They do it for the money.  The NRA by the way is nothing but a con job.  They make their money keeping you in fear of losing a right you don’t actually have, they’re in the business of fear mongering and they want you to be afraid so they lie to you and make you afraid of big brother coming to take your guns away and herding you into some made up bullshit FEMA camp.

But that’s never gonna happen so just chill out.

I actually don’t blame the gun industry for lobbying.  They’re in the business of selling guns and they want to sell as many as they can.  That’s how business works and that’s how free market capitalism works.

I don’t like corporate lobbying and think we should do away with it (how do you think ketchup became recognized as a vegetable) but they’re working within a system and they’re doing it because it’s their business.

The NRA on the other hand is just flat out full of crap.  They don’t offer anything real.  They sell fear, nothing more.  They need you to re-up your membership every year.  They need you to be afraid of liberals.  They need you to be terrified that gang members are going to bust into your home-even if you live way out in the country where there aren’t any gangs-and have their way with your wife and children before murdering you all with illegally purchased weapons.

In conclusion(ish); the second amendment does not give any of us the right to own firearms.  However, the main and basic interpretation of the amendment has been for at least the past hundred plus years is that it does.  It is an incorrect interpretation but it is a widely accepted one.

This false interpretation is the reason you can purchase a handgun or rifle.  So let’s be completely honest here, no one is coming for your guns.  They’re not coming for mine either.

As someone who lives in a city with an ever increasing crime rate I think I should be allowed to own a pistol to protect myself should someone bust into my home.

I also know that the chance of this happening is so miniscule it’s almost ridiculous.  But should I have that right?  I actually think I should.

Does a strict and true interpretation of the second amendment give me that right?  No.  No it doesn’t.

So this is where things get even more contentious, because while I believe in the right of a citizen to own a pistol or even a shotgun and rifle I do not believe any citizen needs an assault rifle, let alone a fully automatic assault rifle.

Most of the people who own assault rifles (and I’ve talked to many) think that at some point there will be a revolution or U.N. tanks are going to start rolling down the street.  They have a fantasy of being a fighter for America in a war that will never come.

But the fact is none of us has the right to any of this.

The other fact is that never, ever, ever, never is anyone coming to take your guns away.

So if you think an American citizen should have the right to own a fully automatic assault rifle that’s fine, I disagree whole heartedly, but that’s fine.  Opinions are free and you’re certainly allowed yours and I mine.

If you think waiting periods, restricting the sale of certain weapons, background checks and mental health evaluations are unconstitutional you’re kind of an asshole.

If you think “they” are coming for your weapons, your delusional and right where the NRA wants you.

If you think your right to own any gun whatsoever is actually, truly your right because you believe in the constitution, you don’t understand the constitution.

I’m a liberal, I’m a gun owner, I’m a believer in the right of an American to own a weapon.

Just not any and every weapon.

Okay so I got that off my chest…next week something more lighthearted.

Over on the perilous podcast this week we’re talking about the Mueller investigation.

On YouTube it’s the Loch Ness monster episode with guest host Barbra Dillon.

All my links to these and other useless distractions are below.

Have a nice weekend everybody.

Jonathan

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

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Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about the Mueller investigation

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.  This week The Loch Ness Monster

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ugh!@

Hey all,

So this is a special time of year.  A time of year that comes but once a year.  That special, amazing time of year when I throw out all of my convictions and fold like a cheap card table.

I was raised Jewish but disavowed all organized religion over 30 years ago now.  However, during the Jewish High Holidays I throw out all my convictions and pretend to be Jewish.  Well, Jewishish to be more specific.

I will be going to temple tonight and tomorrow morning to bask in the incredibly boring glow of old superstitious beliefs because I’m an absolute wuss when it comes to my mother and she really wants me to go and be with her, so I’m going.

She knows I hate it, she knows I don’t take it seriously and she knows I find the whole thing ridiculous.

And she doesn’t care.

Ya gotta respect that.

On an incredibly positive note my sister has to go too and no matter how old I get there’s something really wonderful about knowing that my sister will be just as miserable as I am, maybe, just maybe even more miserable.

We call that a mitzvah!

Huh, maybe I’m more Jewish than I thought.

On a whorey note, there’s a brand new podcast up this week with special guest host Barbra Dillon of fanbase press.  We talk all about the Loch Ness Monster and some other random geek stuff.

 

And over on the youtubes Angie and I are discussing the possibility of Parallel Worlds, so there’s that.

Follow the links and I’ll see y’all next week.

Best,

Jonathan

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about the Loch Ness Monster

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.  This week Parallel Words.

Just a quick update

Hey guys,

A lot of stuff is happening…just nothing exciting enough to post about.  However, there is a new podcast up on podbean and iTunes.  This week Angie and I discuss the concept of the multi-verse and parallel worlds.

Over on YouTube we have a new episode of the vlogcast in which we discuss the possibility of Life on Mars.

Next week a micro story but in the meantime, here’s some links for ya!

Have a great weekend everybody and I’ll see ya next week.

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about the multi-verse.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.

Weapons and Shields

WEAPONS AND SHIELDS

The thinking man sits.

The sad man cries.

The angry young zealot throws his words to the sky.

The man in deep thought sits surrounded by friends.

The laughing man is always alone in the end.

To think and not act invites atrophy.

To cry without reflection creates disharmony.

To yell without hearing leads to entropy.

To get lost in your own mind ends in darkness.

To laugh at everything carves a hollow world.

Our weapons are our shields and our shields are our weapons.

Both must be used sparingly when walking through life.

trip2 119

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

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Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about Life on Mars.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.

Oh and if you’re in Los Angeles, The Geek is available at Skylight books in Los Feliz.

 

Happy Friday!

So starting today I’ll be doing a series of micro-stories, poems and word-blergs.  Some are old, some are new and some are malformed mistakes.

What’s a word-blerg you ask?  I have no idea.  But let’s call it something that’s a cross between a story, a poem and the ramblings of a mad man.

I hope they’ll all be entertaining.  Some will be sad, some funny, some positive and some angry.

Please don’t read too much into these posts.  This is not a Phil Collins “In The Air Tonight” situation.  Just random thoughts that appear and disappear on a daily basis.

Before we get started, I would like to let you know there is a new episode of The Perilous Podcast today as well as a new video up on YouTube.  Links will be after whatever I decide to post is posted.

That’s it.

GOOD BLIND EYE

Did you see the Sunset? Asked the blind man to his son.

Did you notice all the many colors blending into one?

The time for fear is over. The great unknowing has begun!

Yes good father I see it!  My fear is gone forever let the great unknowing come!

Time is everlasting.

Bricks in a path ever changing.  Moving forward through time and sum.

 

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

cropped-20151012_100243-e14448544605591.jpg

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about Project Serpo

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.

Oh and if you’re in Los Angeles, The Geek is available at Skylight books in Los Feliz.

 

 

Sobriety and BJJ. It’s a game changer.

Hey all,

Happy Monday!  There’s actually going to be a ton of pics in this post for a change so that’s fun right?!

Recently I had an odd one year anniversary.  Odd in the sense that one does not usually celebrate an anniversary of this nature, but I’m going to.

Just over a year ago I left my regular gym and joined a MMA gym.  No I am not suffering from delusions of grandeur and have no plans to go pro.  In fact I make it very clear that the pros who go to our gym are training there.

Me, I’m taking classes.

See the difference?

Anyhoo, when I first started I was doing combat conditioning along with Krav Maga and it was great.

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We take Combat Conditioning very seriously at Gabe’s gym.

However, while I enjoyed Krav I wasn’t getting as much out of it as I had hoped.

Like all kids from the valley I did Tae Kwon Do and later Tang Soo Do, when I was growing up.

I boxed in high school and studied Karate when I lived in Japan.

Not to say I was a badass or anything, but they were fun and I enjoyed them all.

However, I didn’t seem to be learning anything in Krav Maga that I hadn’t learned before.  I was just learning it in a new way.

Then about six months ago I got tricked (yeah that’s right tricked!) into trying the no-gi Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class, and that was a real game changer for me.

I instantly realized two incredibly important things.

  1. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is the perfect martial art for a sober person.
  2. I suck at Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
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This is Sandy. She’s very sweet and one of the fitness instructors at the gym. She’s also incredibly terrifying.

BJJ is completely different than anything I’ve ever done before, and as a sober person it has absolutely changed my life.

bjj1

I honestly don’t know why I’m smiling in this picture, I was frickin’ exhausted.

It’s hard to describe and possibly hard to understand, but alcoholics wrestle with a lot of cognitive dissonance in the sense that we tend to be filled with a lot of self destruction and self loathing and at the same time incredibly over inflated egos.

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Me annoying Sha, who does administrative stuff at the gym and as usual Sha very patiently putting up with my shenanigans and bullshit.

Sobriety and ego don’t tend to go hand in hand.  And keeping your ego stripped is incredibly important.  And let me tell you something, nothing keeps your ego in check like BJJ.

If you go in with ego you’re doomed.  You need to leave that shit at the door man.  Also, nothing keeps you humble like having the shit choked out of you by a 12 year old girl.

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Not in this picture, the evil little 12 year old girl who keeps beating me up.

In my defense, she’s really good.

There’s an odd mindset in BJJ that I compare to skydiving.  If you’ve never been skydiving, A) you should and B) there’s a strange thing that happens in the jump plane as you take off and head to 15,000 feet.

Everybody sort of looks around the plane and there’s this silent conversation that goes something like Oh, you’re an idiot too and about to do something pretty dangerous and foolhardy?  Cool.

That’s the basic attitude I’ve found in the brotherhood/sisterhood of BJJ.  Because quite frankly, BJJ is a really bad idea.  It’s an insane way to spend your time and if you do BJJ you’re going to get hurt.  It’s inevitable.

My first class I bruised my ribs.  Since my first class I’ve bruised them again on both sides, sprained my wrist, broke my pinky toe (it healed sideways and I’m pretty proud of that), torqued my knee, pulled a calf muscle and am generally in constant, dull pain.

You will never hear from a practitioner of BJJ “It gets better”, in relation to the pain.  The only thing you hear is “You get used to it”.  And the great thing is, you actually do. Which is a plus.  I think.

BJJ is truly a journey with no end, which means for the next 30 years or so I’ll be learning and having my ego kept in check which is great for a guy like me.

But when it comes to BJJ and the school it really boils down to the guy running it.  I thought all gyms were like the one I go to, but I’ve heard horror stories from guys who go to our school about other schools, where things are not as chill.

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Class time is serious time, picture time is fun time. This was the day I bruised my ribs for the third time so I wasn’t smiling but I was still happy.

I say “chill” to mean that there are absolutely no attitudes at our school.  And that all comes from the top.  Even the pros who train there are really patient and gracious.

We have some great professors and coaches at the school, but everything stems from Gabe Ruediger, the owner.  He’s never come right out and said it, but I really think Gabe would rather not have the money than have an asshole at the gym.

Supposedly this is pretty rare, so I am incredibly lucky.

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The day Professor Ruediger gave me my first stripe. Probably not gonna get another one of these for a looong time so I really savored the moment.

But our school is more than just a school really.  I’ve become good friends with some of the guys there and we all hang out…a lot.  This may sound hokey, but it’s tough making friends the older you get, so for a guy like me, it’s been a really nice experience.

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Grabbing some lunch at our favorite all you can eat vegan restaurant.

Gabe is also one of those guys that actually cares about his students and really works hard to foster a community.

I was incredibly busy a couple weeks ago and wasn’t able to get to the gym for class.  I was only out for a week, but that Friday, I got a text from Gabe just checking in to see if I was okay.

Who does that?!?!

Now, it’s not like I’m his favorite or anything he checks in with most students if they disappear for any length of time, and that is all down to his character and again that permeates the school.

Instead of just charging your card once a month he really makes it clear that he wants you to get better and that you’re a part of the community.

For a guy like me, that’s pretty much everything.  It’s more important than AA.  More helpful than a sponsor.  It is the place that I feel welcomed and inspired.

Even though I’m the worst student there.  Seriously that’s not me being self deprecating or shitting on myself, that’s fucking science.

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Paintball in the day, Professor’s Bday party in the night.

But, I have a breakthrough at least once a week when in class and I suck a little less each time.

The training keeps me focused, the rolling (sparring) keeps me humble and my fellow students keep my ego in check.

By beating and choking the ever loving shit out of me.

No person can do sobriety the way another person does.  Each person has their own path to walk, their own journey.

For me, the new journey on my path is BJJ.

You have to face a lot of fears when doing BJJ and that’s a good thing too:

The fear of injury (you’ll get used to it).

The fear of inadequacy (you’ll overcome it).

The fear of humiliation (humility comes from the loss of ego).

The fear of being claustrophobically smothered with someone’s nuts on your face (gonna be honest here, you’re probably not gonna get over the Arabian Goggles but you’ll work through the claustrophobia).

Plus the workout is damn incredible.  I’m in the best shape I’ve been in, in about 25 years.

Give it a shot, you may suck at it, but you’ll suck less the more you do it and it will keep you humble, keep you focused and could very well help keep you sober.

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Just a reminder that my band Three Penis Death Punch. We’ll be at the Pickle Box in Austin on November 5th so come check us out.

And if you’re really lucky you’ll end up at a place like my school where it’s more than just professors and students.  It’s a real community.

Have a great week everybody and I’ll see you all Friday.  Friday I’m gonna start a series of micro-stories and poetry posts, so that should be really pretentious.  Yay!

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

haka

A new day a new challenge, got to work on my posing though.

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about The Philadelphia Experiment.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.

Let’s talk Meditation! Exciting right!?!?

This is part two of my 3 sobriety posts.

On Wednesday as you know I touched on meditation.  If you don’t know, it’s because you didn’t read that post, so go and read it you lazy fucker.

Okay all caught up?  Good, let’s move on.

This one is going to be shorter than Wednesday…you’re welcome.

Let’s maybe give a back story here.  So, in my early 20s I was quite spiritual.  I was also high as fuck everyday, but I was spiritual.  I was a practicing occultist, meditator and traveler of the mind.

However, as I got into my mid-twenties, I walked away from my spirituality and embraced the material world.

I like to tell people that I’m not into stuff, I have no need to drive the nicest car or live in the biggest house.  I like to live a simple life.

But, in all honesty that isn’t the whole truth.  For a while there, I really wanted it all.  I had the fantasies I think a lot of people who start making money have when they’re young.  Mansion, private jet, super car, model banging two at a time.

You know…’Merica!

But, thankfully I’m not that person anymore.  And perhaps I never was, since I rarely attempted to live out those fantasies, but I did have them.

Then, when I was in rehab, the spiritual advisor there named Thomas really helped me get back in touch with my spirituality.  It’s been an absolute game changer and I can’t stress enough the importance of meditation for those living a sober life.

Now I’m going to take a moment to completely contradict what I said in the last sentence of the above paragraph.  I’ve said it before a million times and I’ll say it again; no one can do sobriety the same.  There may be a lot of similarities between two people who are sober in terms of how they live and what they do, however there will be differences and not every tool fits every person’s toolbox.

I was speaking with a friend the other night who has way more years in than I do and quite frankly is far more intelligent as well.  We were talking about our routines and he told me that meditation would probably drive him mad.  That simply put, it is not a tool he would ever use.

That, of course, is completely fair and valid.  So, while I say that meditaiton is important for thsoe leading a sober life, the more accurate way to phrase it would be: Meditation is incredibly important for those leading a sober life.  If, meditation is right for you and you find it helpful.

The only way to know this is to try it.  If you don’t like it, or it doesn’t help then that’s okay.  You’ll find something else that works for you.

But it does work for me and I see the benefits in my life.

I meditate everyday, for anywhere from 15 minutes to 45 minutes depending on my schedule.  On serious days, like the one I had on Tuesday I’ll go for up to two hours and just bliss the fuck out and center myself.

If you’re sober, or hey even if you’re not, meditation can mean the difference between a good day and a bad one.

If you’re curious as to the impact of meditation on an alcoholic, I can clearly state, through practice that it can sometimes mean the difference between relapse and not.  I still get depressed of course and have serious bouts with that, but the meditation really cuts through it as well as my physical routine, which I’ll get into on Monday.

As alcoholics, our minds are constantly trying to trip us up and kill us.  We know this.

But when I meditate regularly my mind goes from a nearly unmanageable 90% shit show of the world going to hell loop to a very manageable, 10% apocalypse loop and 90% Chimpanzee, dressed as a pirate playing the guitar loop.

Which is awesome really.  Hell even if you’re not defective like I am and just want to feel better, I can’t tout the helpfulness that is meditation enough.  I’m going to post a couple of links to the guided meditation mp3s I use the most if you want to check them out.

So if you want to go from this in your head all day:wallpaper-skulls-06

 

 

To this:chimppiratec

Then definitely give meditation a shot.

The meditation links will be after my links.

Speaking of which there’s a new podcast and new video up on podbean, iTunes, and YouTube.  Follow the links (duh)

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

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Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about The Philadelphia Experiment.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.

Now some totally chill meditation links:

https://www.amazon.com/Beth-Freschi/e/B001UAKGJO/digital/ref=ntt_mp3_rdr?_encoding=UTF8&sn=d

and

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_srch_drd_B0098RGG4U?ie=UTF8&field-keywords=Aimee%20Rebekah%20Shea&index=digital-music&search-type=ss

There’s also a nearly endless amount of excellent meditation videos on YouTube if you want to go searching around and I highly suggest that as well.

Sobriety is Great! And It Sucks Balls!

Hi there, how are you?  Welcome back and I hope everyone is surviving the week.

So this is going to be a 3 part series of blog posts to get off my chest things that are, well, on my chest.

Don’t worry, it’s not about the current political climate I guess we’re all sick of that, though now more than ever we must be paying attention to what is going on around us.  But again, I’m not going to get into that here…today or for the next week or so.

I have a couple of anniversaries coming up that are pretty important to me.  One of which I will celebrate on Friday and the following Wednesday.

Today though I’m going to bore the ever loving fuck out of you with my tale of continued sobriety and my ever constant failed attempts at “adulting”.

Though I suppose I shouldn’t say failed, because that would be too harsh, however I do feel that I have somehow failed, but this has more to do with my own insecurities and bouts of self-destruction.

Unfortunately I can’t really go into detail too much.  I mean, I suppose I could but I’m trying to protect someone I care about…still care about.  Though at times I wonder if they actually deserve it.

It’s hard for most people to understand the mind of a degenerate alcoholic.  Especially if that alcoholic looks and acts like I do.  I tend to be a bit of a goofball and am usually in a good mood.

However, this also stems from decades of using humor as a shield or a way to deflect from feeling a true deep emotion.

But, and there’s no way to say this without sounding cocky, I am actually pretty damn funny.  That’s not an assumption, that’s fact based on rigorous research.  And I do get much joy out of making others laugh or in some way brightening their day.

A spoonful of sugar and all that.

But, what happens most of the time is that people think everything is always okay, but most of the time, if I’m not really on top of it, my mind is basically trying to kill me.

When I was drinking, my mind found many ways to lead me down the besotted path.  Drinking and the liberal use of other substances, coupled with my ability to deflect with humor usually kept me in a numb, very shallow (emotionally) state.  This is great for an alcoholic as it allows you to go through life not really giving a fuck.

Not giving a fuck about work.  Not giving a fuck about yourself.  Not giving a fuck about life.  Not giving a fuck about love.  Really just not giving a fuck about anything other than the real basic needs.

The need to eat.  The need to sleep.  The need to drink.  The need to fuck everyone stupid enough to let you into their bed.

It’s not a healthy way to live, but it’s good if you don’t want to feel.

A relationship ends?  So what.

Someone hurts you?  Hurt them back out of “honor” and then move on with your life.

You abandoned a friend when they needed you?  So what, it’s their fault for being stupid enough to think you’d help.  They really should’ve figured you out by now.

My last drink was on December 23, 2013.  Since then I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself to keep the self destruction at bay.

There are advantages to being sober of course.  Not waking up in a panic.  Not having to piece your night together through the trail of the receipts you find in your pocket.  Not feeling the need to run downstairs and check your car for dings, dents, blood or dead hookers in the trunk.

These are all positives.  But there are also positives that can be negatives too.

I do have days where I miss not giving a shit.  Where I could flit from relationship to relationship or hook up to hook up and not care, simply because I was numb.

However, for the most part, the ability to feel, to really feel, outweighs the negatives.

There really were no highs before I got sober.  There was just the appearance of it, the faking happy, the faking fun, the faking anything and everything to keep people away.

My mind was an absolute shit show.  The thoughts that ran through it were a daily parade of self loathing, clever ideas about death, supreme inadequacy and even darker shit that was a glorious mélange of bullets, knives, blood, general fuckery, anger, hate (at myself and everyone else) and the occasional full blown fantasy of the entire world going up in smoke.

Now though, I do feel.  I mean truly feel.  The highs, the good days, the good times are epic.  However, the lows, the lows can really get you.

I had a run in yesterday with someone who I feel I helped through an incredibly serious time in their life.  I let all my guards down, I put aside my needs and wants for the most part and tried – and I think succeeded – in making the selfless choices over feeding my own needs and desires.

Again, not getting into too much detail, but quite frankly I don’t know where this person would be right now if it weren’t for me.  And of course part of me feels like a total shit for even thinking that thought.  But it is what it is.  I wont apologize for still being human and wanting to be acknowledged for putting someone else’s needs to the point of my own hurt, above my own.

I don’t really know if that’s petty.  It’s hard to say, since this is still kind of new for me.

So, this person has really turned their life around recently and I’m so grateful for that.  They deserve to be happy and I truly want that for them.

But, this run in I had on the phone with them made me feel like an absolute fool.  Like I meant nothing to them, that what I did for them didn’t matter.  I was faced with the realization that if they had to choose between making a sacrifice to help me or leave me to wallow in darkness, they would choose darkness.  Which I doubt is true, but it’s how it felt.

I certainly hope it’s not the choice they’d make.  That would really piss me the fuck off.

I don’t think this person wanted to make me feel like shit on purpose, I really don’t.  But, I feel how I feel and I won’t deny it.

So this sent me into a tailspin of shit.  Of not being able to work, of being heart sick and really wanting to drink.

But, then I told myself what I’ve been telling myself for the past 3 1/2 plus years.  Nobody forced you to do this.  You made your choice to help.  You have to embrace the fact that you were able to do this because you were sober and because you are sober you’re going to feel things.  So dipshit, do you want to feel or do you want to be numb?

I made the same choice I’ve been making.  I choose to feel.  So I took the day and readjusted myself.  I meditated for a good two hours (more of that on the next post), had a nice light lunch and then went to the gym.

Of course, through the rest of the night every time the phone rang or the text buzzer went off I thought It’s them!  They do care and they’re reaching out to let me know they’re sorry.

But it was never them.  Now, I say all this knowing full well the basic tenet of our society is that being self centered is wrong.  However, most people are benignly self centered.  Every single one of us lives in our own solar system that we share with many other solar systems in the galaxy of life.

We are the sun, the center of our solar system, the world always revolves around us.

Another thing most people don’t want to admit is that pretty much every alcoholic or drug addict (or both if you’re a multitasker) is a frickin’ narcissist.

It’s my world, my solar system, my pain, my loss.  Etc.

So I sat there a little butt hurt that this person didn’t realize they’d left me in pain, that the tone of my voice when we spoke didn’t come through or they didn’t pick up to the fact that I was not actually fine.

This is no ones fault but my own.  Look folks if you don’t communicate your feelings you can’t expect the person you’re talking to, to pull an Indiana Jones and decipher the hieroglyphics of your soul.

Communicating true feelings still make me very uncomfortable and it’s something I have to work on, I know this and quite frankly it’s not the other person’s fault I let it drop when I really wanted to keep talking at the expense of their own personal comfort.

So it’s not on them, it’s on me.

However, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt, or that this person’s inability to put my feelings first didn’t sting.  But it is what it is and even though I may be wrong, I continue to believe that this person is truly good and did not mean to hurt me.

But it still pissed me right the fuck off.

So what’s the point of all this?  Well, if you’re not an alcoholic, I suppose the point of this post was just to bitch and get some shit off my chest.

However, if you are an alcoholic and you want to stop I can tell you that sobriety is pretty damn spectacular.  You will face challenges, you will face urges and the occasional shit storm.  However, being brave enough to walk away from the self destructive numb, you will experience life, I mean truly experience it.  You’ll get all the best highs and all the worst lows.

But you will feel.

If you’re in recovery, just remember, no one is worth your sobriety.  Your mind is going to constantly try to kill you and you’re never going to be perfect. And it’s going to be the little thing that really tempts you.  It’s not going to be the death of a loved one, or losing your job.  It’s not going to be that heart wrenching break up or the argument with a family member.

The thing that will tempt you the most will be the tiniest thing.  It’ll be something insignificant that blows up inside your mind like a seemingly insensitive text or phone call.

But remember two things:

  1. No one is perfect, humans are flawed and if you want to live amongst the normals you have to cut them and yourself a lot of slack.
  2. No one, no one at all, is worth your sobriety or sanity.

Okay so that was pretty whiney and cuntish, but that’s the mood I was in and sometimes this blog isn’t about entertaining, hawking my wares or even shenanigans.  Sometimes it’s really about me and my need to clear the bad shit out of my mind so I can let the good stuff in.

You wanna bitch, then start your own blog.  On Friday I’ll be changing to a much more positive tone to discuss the value of meditation in sobriety and why connecting with your spirituality is key.

But look, let’s go ahead and cleanse the palette from all this seriousness.  Here’s a random dick pick for ya:richard-nixon-9424076-1-402

There, isn’t that better.

Now, here are some links to crap.

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

20150926_151118

Hey look at me not giving a fuck.

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about Charlottesville.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.

Oh and if you’re in Los Angeles, The Geek is available at Skylight books in Los Feliz.