Second Story Syndrome

Howdy All.

I hope everyone is well.  We’re a month into 2018 and things are crazy!

This is just going to be a quick update about me…exciting I know, and then I’ll follow up in a couple weeks with more interesting fare.

I received my novella back from the editor and it turns out it’s just a complete mess.  I’ll admit I was less than focused last year, but that’s really no excuse.  I haven’t put out a novel in almost 3 years and I was truly hoping to get something out this month.

Evidently it’s not too uncommon to have your second novel suck balls so I’m not completely devastated. However, I am just devastated enough to hunker down and really focus so I can truly deliver something that will in fact not suck.

I take solace in knowing many writers suffer from “Second Story Syndrome” I just figured because of my years of experience I wouldn’t.

No one wants to hear their second attempt is a steaming pile of terribles, but it is what it is and she’s right…it is.  I do love the premise and potential so I will eventually go back and fix it, but my editor has almost 20 years experience so I’m taking her advice and leaving it aside for now.

I will now, be concentrating on my next two novels, Blood Rebellious and Night Mage that I will be aiming to release later this year and early next.

This will be followed by the sequel to The Geek entitled STILLWATER. And then, after the fixing I’ll release my novella.

Or I won’t.  We’ll see.

I will however be doing less podcasts and YouTube because I simply must concentrate on writing. If I’m not focused it’s all gonna suck and it is what I love to do more than anything.

Not suck, I don’t love that, I mean writing.

I am going to be taking this week to go over the chapters I’ve written so far for each novel and then choose the one I feel confident I’ll be able to flow with over the next month/month and half and finish it in time for a late spring/early summer release.

So while it’s unfortunate about the podcast and the youtube channel I will be uploading, but very sporadically.  And I’ll let you all know when new episodes are up.

However we currently do have a new podcast up on Podbean and ITunes all about time travel and the John Titor story.  I’ve also uploaded the video version of the podcast on YouTube, also about John Titor.

All links are below.

I hope everyone is getting their 2018 off to a good start and I’ll see you all very soon.

Best,

Jonathan

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  John Titor, Time Traveling Sex Maniac.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod Same guy, same sex mania.

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA A place to troll and be trolled.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

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Hey look at me not giving a fuck.

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

If you’re in Los Angeles head on over to Skylight Books in Los Feliz and pick up a copy there. They’re a great independent bookstore and it’s a nice way to show support for them.  We need all the independent stores we can get.

2018 An Attempt At Balance.

I just wrote that title and my first thought was yeah good luck with that.

We’re only five days into the new year and one quick glance at the headlines shows that balance may be a problem considering the absolutely amazing shit show we’ve seen thus far.

But, when it comes to my personal life, balance may be an achievable goal.

As a country we’ve certainly lost our balance, our ability to have nuanced discussions on a multitude of topics from politics to social issues and everything in between.

This is unfortunate but perhaps if we can find the balance in ourselves we can begin to apply that to the world.

Yeah I won’t hold my breath.

For me the new year weekend was a time of reflection.  I decided, instead of doing my usual eating pizza and watching movies thing, that I would do a 3 day fast/cleanse to truly reflect on my past year and think about my goals for the upcoming year.

Really I learned a lot.  Mainly however I learned that it was a really stupid thing to do.

No one should be sitting on their couch on new years eve thinking FUCK I’M HUNGRY!

But there were some positives that came out of it.

A) Most importantly I learned that if you are going to do a cleanse like this, don’t do it over a holiday when you should be shoving food into your cakehole.

B) It did seem to reset my sugar craving which had been very high as of late.  I’m sure it’ll get back up there eventually but to not actually be craving donuts and other things has helped in resetting my eating habits.  Which can only be a plus.

However the biggest benefit was the insight I gained during the time I was fasting.

Before I got sober a little over four years ago I was an incredibly aggressive and self destructive person.  Not to say that I was an asshole…though I certainly was more of one than I am now; I was fairly quick to anger and that anger was never channeled in a positive way.

Anger rarely is.

But, since getting sober I’ve really tried to better myself and to become a better person in all aspects of my life.

One of the keys to this new path has been meditation.  Meditation is wonderful and I do think its benefits far out way any detriments. However, it is possible (in my opinion) that I may have been meditating too much.

I was meditating every day for about 20 minutes, but sometimes on Saturdays and Sundays when I had a lot of time I would meditate for up to an hour or even hour and a half.

Now of course on the surface there’s nothing wrong with that.  It’s certainly better than drinking or using and of course it’s not hurting anybody.  However, I do think I have gone too far to the other side of who I was before.

I have found that perhaps there is a greater timidity to my personality than there used to be.  I am less driven than I used to be, because I am simply happy living in the moment.

I have found that, while I do not want to be overly aggressive, I may in fact not be aggressive enough in my everyday life.

It’s hard to describe and when I say aggressive I don’t mean just going around being a dick, I simply mean feeling that fire, that passion that drives people and can even contribute to your self worth.

And I want that back.

I don’t want the fire to turn to anger as it used to.  I want that fire to feed my passion.

Passion is the engine of the creative and that fire needs to be stoked constantly and evenly so that the engine neither dies nor explodes and I am determined to find that again in 2018.

The middle ground, the center path.  Able to bend without breaking.

To run through the forest without setting the fucking thing on fire in my wake.

This I believe is not only attainable but will in fact be incredibly positive.

So that is what I learned, this is my goal for 2018.

I’m not calling it a resolution, my resolve was set when I got sober.

It is simply a reminder that we all do better when living in balance.

Okay that’s all the hippie bullshit I have time for folks.

I do hope everybody had a great new year and that you are moving forward into 2018 in a positive way.

See y’all next week.

Jonathan

Hey look, links to crap:

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  A quick end of the year conversation.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod Are we living in a simulated universe?

As usual you can follow me on twitter, Instagram and facebook.

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

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Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

If you’re in Los Angeles head on over to Skylight Books in Los Feliz and pick up a copy there. They’re a great independent bookstore and it’s a nice way to show support for them.  We need all the independent stores we can get.

 

 

 

Well I don’t know about you but…

…I’m freaking exhausted.

I’ve written and re-written this entry about five times now.  The whole post was going to be discussing the current state of the right and the left, the hypocrisy on both sides by the accused and those who support them as well as delving deep into this whole insane sexual predator/assaulter tornado of shit we find ourselves in.

However, things are moving so freaking fast and crazy it’s frankly nearly impossible to keep up.

And then you check facebook…that’s a terrible idea.  Because everyone is mad about everything ever in the world, about things they should be angry about, things they shouldn’t be angry about and quite frankly just looking for new things to be angry about.

I am slowly putting a long series together and will wait until this whole thing calms down a bit to post it.  I’m doing this for a number of reasons, A) because there’s so much going on I want to wait for the fallout to see where we all stand.  For example, the whole Roy Moore shit show and to see how many more women come out from the shadows to talk about Al Franken.

B) Maybe this can be a place for people to come and just chill as we get into the holidays.  There are so many voices shouting to the sky and into the abyss of the internet that it’s just way too much sometimes and I think we could all use a little break.

So until after the new year, this will be a place where there are no politics, social commentary or anything like that. Though podcast and YouTube will not be included in that ban.

In other words…

…Fuck it, here’s a story about a Tree.

Conversations with nature: The Pink Tree

As I strolled down the lane, sunlight dappling through the clouds I was struck by the beauty of the tree.  I stopped short, breathed deep and just stared in awe at nature’s exquisite palette.

The tree stood silent, noble and proud.  I closed my eyes, reaching out with my mind for contact, my thoughts forming words.

To my surprise, the tree responded.

Hey Pink Tree. Watcha thinkin’ about? I asked.

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Nothin’ just Pink Tree stuff. It whispered in my mind.

Cool bruh.

What’d you just say to me?!

Um…cool…bruh?

I ain’t your bruh!

Whoa Pink Tree chill!

Don’t tell me to chill you little shit!

Damn Pink Tree what’s your problem?

I don’t have to explain myself to you! Fuck off human!

Whatever Pink Tree…just…whatever.

And thus ends our first installment in the conversations with nature series. More next week.

As for the podcast, nothing new up this week though Angie and I will be recording a number of them this weekend. However you can still listen to the Illuminati podcast and of course watch the video on YouTube.

Though there is a new video up on youtube today about the RFK assassination and MK Ultra. We recorded it this past summer and it has been available on podbean and iTunes for months but never got around to posting it on youtube until now.

Okay, back next week.

Hang in there everybody.

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

20150926_151118

Hey look at me not giving a fuck.

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about the Illuminati

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast. This week RFK and MKULTRA.

 

 

 

 

Weapons and Shields

WEAPONS AND SHIELDS

The thinking man sits.

The sad man cries.

The angry young zealot throws his words to the sky.

The man in deep thought sits surrounded by friends.

The laughing man is always alone in the end.

To think and not act invites atrophy.

To cry without reflection creates disharmony.

To yell without hearing leads to entropy.

To get lost in your own mind ends in darkness.

To laugh at everything carves a hollow world.

Our weapons are our shields and our shields are our weapons.

Both must be used sparingly when walking through life.

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Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

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Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about Life on Mars.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.

Oh and if you’re in Los Angeles, The Geek is available at Skylight books in Los Feliz.

 

Happy Friday!

So starting today I’ll be doing a series of micro-stories, poems and word-blergs.  Some are old, some are new and some are malformed mistakes.

What’s a word-blerg you ask?  I have no idea.  But let’s call it something that’s a cross between a story, a poem and the ramblings of a mad man.

I hope they’ll all be entertaining.  Some will be sad, some funny, some positive and some angry.

Please don’t read too much into these posts.  This is not a Phil Collins “In The Air Tonight” situation.  Just random thoughts that appear and disappear on a daily basis.

Before we get started, I would like to let you know there is a new episode of The Perilous Podcast today as well as a new video up on YouTube.  Links will be after whatever I decide to post is posted.

That’s it.

GOOD BLIND EYE

Did you see the Sunset? Asked the blind man to his son.

Did you notice all the many colors blending into one?

The time for fear is over. The great unknowing has begun!

Yes good father I see it!  My fear is gone forever let the great unknowing come!

Time is everlasting.

Bricks in a path ever changing.  Moving forward through time and sum.

 

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

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Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about Project Serpo

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.

Oh and if you’re in Los Angeles, The Geek is available at Skylight books in Los Feliz.

 

 

Sobriety and BJJ. It’s a game changer.

Hey all,

Happy Monday!  There’s actually going to be a ton of pics in this post for a change so that’s fun right?!

Recently I had an odd one year anniversary.  Odd in the sense that one does not usually celebrate an anniversary of this nature, but I’m going to.

Just over a year ago I left my regular gym and joined a MMA gym.  No I am not suffering from delusions of grandeur and have no plans to go pro.  In fact I make it very clear that the pros who go to our gym are training there.

Me, I’m taking classes.

See the difference?

Anyhoo, when I first started I was doing combat conditioning along with Krav Maga and it was great.

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We take Combat Conditioning very seriously at Gabe’s gym.

However, while I enjoyed Krav I wasn’t getting as much out of it as I had hoped.

Like all kids from the valley I did Tae Kwon Do and later Tang Soo Do, when I was growing up.

I boxed in high school and studied Karate when I lived in Japan.

Not to say I was a badass or anything, but they were fun and I enjoyed them all.

However, I didn’t seem to be learning anything in Krav Maga that I hadn’t learned before.  I was just learning it in a new way.

Then about six months ago I got tricked (yeah that’s right tricked!) into trying the no-gi Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class, and that was a real game changer for me.

I instantly realized two incredibly important things.

  1. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is the perfect martial art for a sober person.
  2. I suck at Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
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This is Sandy. She’s very sweet and one of the fitness instructors at the gym. She’s also incredibly terrifying.

BJJ is completely different than anything I’ve ever done before, and as a sober person it has absolutely changed my life.

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I honestly don’t know why I’m smiling in this picture, I was frickin’ exhausted.

It’s hard to describe and possibly hard to understand, but alcoholics wrestle with a lot of cognitive dissonance in the sense that we tend to be filled with a lot of self destruction and self loathing and at the same time incredibly over inflated egos.

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Me annoying Sha, who does administrative stuff at the gym and as usual Sha very patiently putting up with my shenanigans and bullshit.

Sobriety and ego don’t tend to go hand in hand.  And keeping your ego stripped is incredibly important.  And let me tell you something, nothing keeps your ego in check like BJJ.

If you go in with ego you’re doomed.  You need to leave that shit at the door man.  Also, nothing keeps you humble like having the shit choked out of you by a 12 year old girl.

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Not in this picture, the evil little 12 year old girl who keeps beating me up.

In my defense, she’s really good.

There’s an odd mindset in BJJ that I compare to skydiving.  If you’ve never been skydiving, A) you should and B) there’s a strange thing that happens in the jump plane as you take off and head to 15,000 feet.

Everybody sort of looks around the plane and there’s this silent conversation that goes something like Oh, you’re an idiot too and about to do something pretty dangerous and foolhardy?  Cool.

That’s the basic attitude I’ve found in the brotherhood/sisterhood of BJJ.  Because quite frankly, BJJ is a really bad idea.  It’s an insane way to spend your time and if you do BJJ you’re going to get hurt.  It’s inevitable.

My first class I bruised my ribs.  Since my first class I’ve bruised them again on both sides, sprained my wrist, broke my pinky toe (it healed sideways and I’m pretty proud of that), torqued my knee, pulled a calf muscle and am generally in constant, dull pain.

You will never hear from a practitioner of BJJ “It gets better”, in relation to the pain.  The only thing you hear is “You get used to it”.  And the great thing is, you actually do. Which is a plus.  I think.

BJJ is truly a journey with no end, which means for the next 30 years or so I’ll be learning and having my ego kept in check which is great for a guy like me.

But when it comes to BJJ and the school it really boils down to the guy running it.  I thought all gyms were like the one I go to, but I’ve heard horror stories from guys who go to our school about other schools, where things are not as chill.

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Class time is serious time, picture time is fun time. This was the day I bruised my ribs for the third time so I wasn’t smiling but I was still happy.

I say “chill” to mean that there are absolutely no attitudes at our school.  And that all comes from the top.  Even the pros who train there are really patient and gracious.

We have some great professors and coaches at the school, but everything stems from Gabe Ruediger, the owner.  He’s never come right out and said it, but I really think Gabe would rather not have the money than have an asshole at the gym.

Supposedly this is pretty rare, so I am incredibly lucky.

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The day Professor Ruediger gave me my first stripe. Probably not gonna get another one of these for a looong time so I really savored the moment.

But our school is more than just a school really.  I’ve become good friends with some of the guys there and we all hang out…a lot.  This may sound hokey, but it’s tough making friends the older you get, so for a guy like me, it’s been a really nice experience.

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Grabbing some lunch at our favorite all you can eat vegan restaurant.

Gabe is also one of those guys that actually cares about his students and really works hard to foster a community.

I was incredibly busy a couple weeks ago and wasn’t able to get to the gym for class.  I was only out for a week, but that Friday, I got a text from Gabe just checking in to see if I was okay.

Who does that?!?!

Now, it’s not like I’m his favorite or anything he checks in with most students if they disappear for any length of time, and that is all down to his character and again that permeates the school.

Instead of just charging your card once a month he really makes it clear that he wants you to get better and that you’re a part of the community.

For a guy like me, that’s pretty much everything.  It’s more important than AA.  More helpful than a sponsor.  It is the place that I feel welcomed and inspired.

Even though I’m the worst student there.  Seriously that’s not me being self deprecating or shitting on myself, that’s fucking science.

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Paintball in the day, Professor’s Bday party in the night.

But, I have a breakthrough at least once a week when in class and I suck a little less each time.

The training keeps me focused, the rolling (sparring) keeps me humble and my fellow students keep my ego in check.

By beating and choking the ever loving shit out of me.

No person can do sobriety the way another person does.  Each person has their own path to walk, their own journey.

For me, the new journey on my path is BJJ.

You have to face a lot of fears when doing BJJ and that’s a good thing too:

The fear of injury (you’ll get used to it).

The fear of inadequacy (you’ll overcome it).

The fear of humiliation (humility comes from the loss of ego).

The fear of being claustrophobically smothered with someone’s nuts on your face (gonna be honest here, you’re probably not gonna get over the Arabian Goggles but you’ll work through the claustrophobia).

Plus the workout is damn incredible.  I’m in the best shape I’ve been in, in about 25 years.

Give it a shot, you may suck at it, but you’ll suck less the more you do it and it will keep you humble, keep you focused and could very well help keep you sober.

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Just a reminder that my band Three Penis Death Punch. We’ll be at the Pickle Box in Austin on November 5th so come check us out.

And if you’re really lucky you’ll end up at a place like my school where it’s more than just professors and students.  It’s a real community.

Have a great week everybody and I’ll see you all Friday.  Friday I’m gonna start a series of micro-stories and poetry posts, so that should be really pretentious.  Yay!

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

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A new day a new challenge, got to work on my posing though.

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about The Philadelphia Experiment.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.

Let’s talk Meditation! Exciting right!?!?

This is part two of my 3 sobriety posts.

On Wednesday as you know I touched on meditation.  If you don’t know, it’s because you didn’t read that post, so go and read it you lazy fucker.

Okay all caught up?  Good, let’s move on.

This one is going to be shorter than Wednesday…you’re welcome.

Let’s maybe give a back story here.  So, in my early 20s I was quite spiritual.  I was also high as fuck everyday, but I was spiritual.  I was a practicing occultist, meditator and traveler of the mind.

However, as I got into my mid-twenties, I walked away from my spirituality and embraced the material world.

I like to tell people that I’m not into stuff, I have no need to drive the nicest car or live in the biggest house.  I like to live a simple life.

But, in all honesty that isn’t the whole truth.  For a while there, I really wanted it all.  I had the fantasies I think a lot of people who start making money have when they’re young.  Mansion, private jet, super car, model banging two at a time.

You know…’Merica!

But, thankfully I’m not that person anymore.  And perhaps I never was, since I rarely attempted to live out those fantasies, but I did have them.

Then, when I was in rehab, the spiritual advisor there named Thomas really helped me get back in touch with my spirituality.  It’s been an absolute game changer and I can’t stress enough the importance of meditation for those living a sober life.

Now I’m going to take a moment to completely contradict what I said in the last sentence of the above paragraph.  I’ve said it before a million times and I’ll say it again; no one can do sobriety the same.  There may be a lot of similarities between two people who are sober in terms of how they live and what they do, however there will be differences and not every tool fits every person’s toolbox.

I was speaking with a friend the other night who has way more years in than I do and quite frankly is far more intelligent as well.  We were talking about our routines and he told me that meditation would probably drive him mad.  That simply put, it is not a tool he would ever use.

That, of course, is completely fair and valid.  So, while I say that meditaiton is important for thsoe leading a sober life, the more accurate way to phrase it would be: Meditation is incredibly important for those leading a sober life.  If, meditation is right for you and you find it helpful.

The only way to know this is to try it.  If you don’t like it, or it doesn’t help then that’s okay.  You’ll find something else that works for you.

But it does work for me and I see the benefits in my life.

I meditate everyday, for anywhere from 15 minutes to 45 minutes depending on my schedule.  On serious days, like the one I had on Tuesday I’ll go for up to two hours and just bliss the fuck out and center myself.

If you’re sober, or hey even if you’re not, meditation can mean the difference between a good day and a bad one.

If you’re curious as to the impact of meditation on an alcoholic, I can clearly state, through practice that it can sometimes mean the difference between relapse and not.  I still get depressed of course and have serious bouts with that, but the meditation really cuts through it as well as my physical routine, which I’ll get into on Monday.

As alcoholics, our minds are constantly trying to trip us up and kill us.  We know this.

But when I meditate regularly my mind goes from a nearly unmanageable 90% shit show of the world going to hell loop to a very manageable, 10% apocalypse loop and 90% Chimpanzee, dressed as a pirate playing the guitar loop.

Which is awesome really.  Hell even if you’re not defective like I am and just want to feel better, I can’t tout the helpfulness that is meditation enough.  I’m going to post a couple of links to the guided meditation mp3s I use the most if you want to check them out.

So if you want to go from this in your head all day:wallpaper-skulls-06

 

 

To this:chimppiratec

Then definitely give meditation a shot.

The meditation links will be after my links.

Speaking of which there’s a new podcast and new video up on podbean, iTunes, and YouTube.  Follow the links (duh)

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

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Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about The Philadelphia Experiment.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.

Now some totally chill meditation links:

https://www.amazon.com/Beth-Freschi/e/B001UAKGJO/digital/ref=ntt_mp3_rdr?_encoding=UTF8&sn=d

and

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_srch_drd_B0098RGG4U?ie=UTF8&field-keywords=Aimee%20Rebekah%20Shea&index=digital-music&search-type=ss

There’s also a nearly endless amount of excellent meditation videos on YouTube if you want to go searching around and I highly suggest that as well.