Second Story Syndrome

Howdy All.

I hope everyone is well.  We’re a month into 2018 and things are crazy!

This is just going to be a quick update about me…exciting I know, and then I’ll follow up in a couple weeks with more interesting fare.

I received my novella back from the editor and it turns out it’s just a complete mess.  I’ll admit I was less than focused last year, but that’s really no excuse.  I haven’t put out a novel in almost 3 years and I was truly hoping to get something out this month.

Evidently it’s not too uncommon to have your second novel suck balls so I’m not completely devastated. However, I am just devastated enough to hunker down and really focus so I can truly deliver something that will in fact not suck.

I take solace in knowing many writers suffer from “Second Story Syndrome” I just figured because of my years of experience I wouldn’t.

No one wants to hear their second attempt is a steaming pile of terribles, but it is what it is and she’s right…it is.  I do love the premise and potential so I will eventually go back and fix it, but my editor has almost 20 years experience so I’m taking her advice and leaving it aside for now.

I will now, be concentrating on my next two novels, Blood Rebellious and Night Mage that I will be aiming to release later this year and early next.

This will be followed by the sequel to The Geek entitled STILLWATER. And then, after the fixing I’ll release my novella.

Or I won’t.  We’ll see.

I will however be doing less podcasts and YouTube because I simply must concentrate on writing. If I’m not focused it’s all gonna suck and it is what I love to do more than anything.

Not suck, I don’t love that, I mean writing.

I am going to be taking this week to go over the chapters I’ve written so far for each novel and then choose the one I feel confident I’ll be able to flow with over the next month/month and half and finish it in time for a late spring/early summer release.

So while it’s unfortunate about the podcast and the youtube channel I will be uploading, but very sporadically.  And I’ll let you all know when new episodes are up.

However we currently do have a new podcast up on Podbean and ITunes all about time travel and the John Titor story.  I’ve also uploaded the video version of the podcast on YouTube, also about John Titor.

All links are below.

I hope everyone is getting their 2018 off to a good start and I’ll see you all very soon.

Best,

Jonathan

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  John Titor, Time Traveling Sex Maniac.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod Same guy, same sex mania.

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA A place to troll and be trolled.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

20150926_151118

Hey look at me not giving a fuck.

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

If you’re in Los Angeles head on over to Skylight Books in Los Feliz and pick up a copy there. They’re a great independent bookstore and it’s a nice way to show support for them.  We need all the independent stores we can get.

I know it’s Christmas because everything is on fire!

Hey everybody,

So for all of you not in California and no access to the news everything is currently on fire.

My sister and her family almost had to evacuate but the winds shifted just at the right time allowing the fire department to contain the blaze a bit more so she didn’t have to in the end.

But she’s one of the lucky ones.

A lot of people have lost everything and even more have found themselves searching for places to stay while their homes continue to stand in the evacuation zones.

It’s hot, it’s dry and it feels never ending.

I’ve been fortunate enough so far and doubt I’ll be in danger of anything as my neighborhood is not in such a rural area, but of course that doesn’t mean next time I wont be the one packing up boxes and getting ready to skedaddle.

It’s hard to grasp how big these things are, even when you’re someone who is looking at massive plumes of smoke rising over the mountains.

Like just about everyone else my house was covered in ash for a few days and even when inside my home I could smell the fires.

But again I’m one of the lucky ones.

Rarely do I see a photo that makes me say “COOL!” and “OH FUCK!” at the same time but here are a couple for you.

The first is from the ISS space station showing the fires from yesterday as it zoomed past California.

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And here is one from a European satellite that shot some photos.

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Even with these it’s kind of hard to imagine it, but it’s all just massive and intense.

The weather reports all say it’s going to be a couple of weeks before we get some moisture in the air let alone rain, so that could be tough.

But then again predicting the weather is a lot like reading someone’s future with chicken bones…it’s not as accurate as it seems so perhaps we’ll get lucky.

I’m very much trying to stick to my promise of no politics until after the new year but with things going the way they are I think I should end this here before I break that promise.

To everyone suffering through this far worse than I am, I wish you nothing but the best.

To everyone else may I say happy holidays and all that.

It wouldn’t be a blog post without plugs so here they come.

First, I have never had a Christmas tree before but will have one this year.  You’ll be able to see my first annual lighting of the mother ship Christmas tree on Instagram and youtube when I post that video…so why not subscribe and follow now.

Over on podbean we’re talking about all the sexual harassment and assault allegations going on in Washington and Hollywood.  Angie and I attempt to have a very honest and open discussion about it and I think it went pretty well.

The video of that talk will be on YouTube soon.

Nest weeks podcast will be about a very cool concept being bandied about in the science world. Angie and I talk about the possibility that we are all living in a simulation.  It’s an interesting talk and we both do our best to sound smart.

Angie of course and as usual sounds way smarter than I do.

And hey look it’s all my social media links!

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about sexual assault claims.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.

One last note, if you don’t know what to get someone for Christmas, why not give them the gift of assassination, murder, revenge, weird sex and dead hookers by picking up a copy of my pulp novel The Geek available on amazon in paperback.  Also available on iTunes and amazon for ebook.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

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Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

And hey if you’re in Los Angeles why not head on over to Skylight books in Los Feliz and pick up a paperback copy.  They’re a great indie book store and it’s worth a visit.

All right folks, take care and I’ll see ya all next week.

Well I don’t know about you but…

…I’m freaking exhausted.

I’ve written and re-written this entry about five times now.  The whole post was going to be discussing the current state of the right and the left, the hypocrisy on both sides by the accused and those who support them as well as delving deep into this whole insane sexual predator/assaulter tornado of shit we find ourselves in.

However, things are moving so freaking fast and crazy it’s frankly nearly impossible to keep up.

And then you check facebook…that’s a terrible idea.  Because everyone is mad about everything ever in the world, about things they should be angry about, things they shouldn’t be angry about and quite frankly just looking for new things to be angry about.

I am slowly putting a long series together and will wait until this whole thing calms down a bit to post it.  I’m doing this for a number of reasons, A) because there’s so much going on I want to wait for the fallout to see where we all stand.  For example, the whole Roy Moore shit show and to see how many more women come out from the shadows to talk about Al Franken.

B) Maybe this can be a place for people to come and just chill as we get into the holidays.  There are so many voices shouting to the sky and into the abyss of the internet that it’s just way too much sometimes and I think we could all use a little break.

So until after the new year, this will be a place where there are no politics, social commentary or anything like that. Though podcast and YouTube will not be included in that ban.

In other words…

…Fuck it, here’s a story about a Tree.

Conversations with nature: The Pink Tree

As I strolled down the lane, sunlight dappling through the clouds I was struck by the beauty of the tree.  I stopped short, breathed deep and just stared in awe at nature’s exquisite palette.

The tree stood silent, noble and proud.  I closed my eyes, reaching out with my mind for contact, my thoughts forming words.

To my surprise, the tree responded.

Hey Pink Tree. Watcha thinkin’ about? I asked.

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Nothin’ just Pink Tree stuff. It whispered in my mind.

Cool bruh.

What’d you just say to me?!

Um…cool…bruh?

I ain’t your bruh!

Whoa Pink Tree chill!

Don’t tell me to chill you little shit!

Damn Pink Tree what’s your problem?

I don’t have to explain myself to you! Fuck off human!

Whatever Pink Tree…just…whatever.

And thus ends our first installment in the conversations with nature series. More next week.

As for the podcast, nothing new up this week though Angie and I will be recording a number of them this weekend. However you can still listen to the Illuminati podcast and of course watch the video on YouTube.

Though there is a new video up on youtube today about the RFK assassination and MK Ultra. We recorded it this past summer and it has been available on podbean and iTunes for months but never got around to posting it on youtube until now.

Okay, back next week.

Hang in there everybody.

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

20150926_151118

Hey look at me not giving a fuck.

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about the Illuminati

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast. This week RFK and MKULTRA.

 

 

 

 

I refuse to be ashamed of how I feel!

Hey everybody,

Thanks for coming by and giving the ol’ blog a read this week.

As my regular readers know, there are times on this site that I delve into my emotions and how I wrestle with these things a lot in my sobriety.

This, again is going to be one of those times.

I’ve been struggling with some serious feelings for a while now.  I’ve tried to deny them because in the end I know it’s self destructive.  I also know it’s both embarrassing and not what our modern society would view as acceptable.

I understand that my friends will most likely shun and shame me.  But, I can no longer hide how I feel.

I have come to peace with these feelings recently and quite frankly I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore.  I’m going to be honest with how I feel and society be damned.

In short, I am in love.

But it is the object of my desire that I expect will make most people shake their heads in shock and disbelief.  But I want this and in the end truly feel I need this to be happy.

So here it goes…I’m in love with the 1977 Lincoln Continental.  More specifically the 1977 Lincoln Continental Mark V Givenchy Edition.

There; I said it.  It’s out in the open now and I will no longer deny my feelings.

I mean seriously, look at this baby!

 

 

 

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Yeah.  I know, I know, but the heart wants what the heart wants.  It’s just so…so green.  I mean incredibly green.  Even the inside of this baby is all green.

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Yup, that’s a lot of green.

This thing is frickin’ incredible.  It’s a bit smaller than an aircraft carrier, gets about a half mile to the gallon, is an electrical nightmare but my God it’s glorious!

The inside of the door is green, the roof is green even the mutha effin’ steering wheel is green.  It’s a miracle of ugly, undeniable insanity and I want it so badly.

And yes, to answer your question that is green shag carpet.

Regular readers may not know this about me but I’m sure all of you who actually know me will agree, that if I pulled up one day in a Porsche or say a classic Mercedes or even a muscle car you’d think Man, Latt is really trying way too hard because that is not the car for him.

However, if I pulled up in this sexy ass thing your one and only thought would be Huh.  Yeah that makes sense.

So I have decided that if I do really well this next year and my forthcoming novels make enough money I am going to throw caution to the wind and embrace this shameful love of mine and buy this undeniably horrid catastrophe of unwarranted beauty and stupidity.

I understand some of you won’t be able to look at me the same after this.  I understand that I may have lost the respect of my friends with this admission, but I honestly don’t care.

I will no longer hide how I feel and I don’t care who knows.

Just take one last look at this and tell me you don’t understand that this love is wholesome, true and right.

Okay so yeah, just having a little fun this week because of all the other terrible stuff going on in the world.  Next week will probably be a micro story or something.

But seriously, I am going to buy this fucking thing at some point.  It wont fit in my garage, it wont even fit in my driveway but I don’t care.  To me, she is beautiful and that’s all that counts.

In the meantime there’s a new podcast up all about aliens and what we can assume about extraterrestrials if they’re coming here.

Over on YouTube there’s a new video about Trump and Mueller.

And hey follow me on twitter as I continue my attempts at getting blocked by the President of the United States.

Links!

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

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Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about Alien Life.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.  This week Trump and Mueller.

 

 

 

 

Happy Friday!

So starting today I’ll be doing a series of micro-stories, poems and word-blergs.  Some are old, some are new and some are malformed mistakes.

What’s a word-blerg you ask?  I have no idea.  But let’s call it something that’s a cross between a story, a poem and the ramblings of a mad man.

I hope they’ll all be entertaining.  Some will be sad, some funny, some positive and some angry.

Please don’t read too much into these posts.  This is not a Phil Collins “In The Air Tonight” situation.  Just random thoughts that appear and disappear on a daily basis.

Before we get started, I would like to let you know there is a new episode of The Perilous Podcast today as well as a new video up on YouTube.  Links will be after whatever I decide to post is posted.

That’s it.

GOOD BLIND EYE

Did you see the Sunset? Asked the blind man to his son.

Did you notice all the many colors blending into one?

The time for fear is over. The great unknowing has begun!

Yes good father I see it!  My fear is gone forever let the great unknowing come!

Time is everlasting.

Bricks in a path ever changing.  Moving forward through time and sum.

 

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

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Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about Project Serpo

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.

Oh and if you’re in Los Angeles, The Geek is available at Skylight books in Los Feliz.

 

 

Sobriety is Great! And It Sucks Balls!

Hi there, how are you?  Welcome back and I hope everyone is surviving the week.

So this is going to be a 3 part series of blog posts to get off my chest things that are, well, on my chest.

Don’t worry, it’s not about the current political climate I guess we’re all sick of that, though now more than ever we must be paying attention to what is going on around us.  But again, I’m not going to get into that here…today or for the next week or so.

I have a couple of anniversaries coming up that are pretty important to me.  One of which I will celebrate on Friday and the following Wednesday.

Today though I’m going to bore the ever loving fuck out of you with my tale of continued sobriety and my ever constant failed attempts at “adulting”.

Though I suppose I shouldn’t say failed, because that would be too harsh, however I do feel that I have somehow failed, but this has more to do with my own insecurities and bouts of self-destruction.

Unfortunately I can’t really go into detail too much.  I mean, I suppose I could but I’m trying to protect someone I care about…still care about.  Though at times I wonder if they actually deserve it.

It’s hard for most people to understand the mind of a degenerate alcoholic.  Especially if that alcoholic looks and acts like I do.  I tend to be a bit of a goofball and am usually in a good mood.

However, this also stems from decades of using humor as a shield or a way to deflect from feeling a true deep emotion.

But, and there’s no way to say this without sounding cocky, I am actually pretty damn funny.  That’s not an assumption, that’s fact based on rigorous research.  And I do get much joy out of making others laugh or in some way brightening their day.

A spoonful of sugar and all that.

But, what happens most of the time is that people think everything is always okay, but most of the time, if I’m not really on top of it, my mind is basically trying to kill me.

When I was drinking, my mind found many ways to lead me down the besotted path.  Drinking and the liberal use of other substances, coupled with my ability to deflect with humor usually kept me in a numb, very shallow (emotionally) state.  This is great for an alcoholic as it allows you to go through life not really giving a fuck.

Not giving a fuck about work.  Not giving a fuck about yourself.  Not giving a fuck about life.  Not giving a fuck about love.  Really just not giving a fuck about anything other than the real basic needs.

The need to eat.  The need to sleep.  The need to drink.  The need to fuck everyone stupid enough to let you into their bed.

It’s not a healthy way to live, but it’s good if you don’t want to feel.

A relationship ends?  So what.

Someone hurts you?  Hurt them back out of “honor” and then move on with your life.

You abandoned a friend when they needed you?  So what, it’s their fault for being stupid enough to think you’d help.  They really should’ve figured you out by now.

My last drink was on December 23, 2013.  Since then I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself to keep the self destruction at bay.

There are advantages to being sober of course.  Not waking up in a panic.  Not having to piece your night together through the trail of the receipts you find in your pocket.  Not feeling the need to run downstairs and check your car for dings, dents, blood or dead hookers in the trunk.

These are all positives.  But there are also positives that can be negatives too.

I do have days where I miss not giving a shit.  Where I could flit from relationship to relationship or hook up to hook up and not care, simply because I was numb.

However, for the most part, the ability to feel, to really feel, outweighs the negatives.

There really were no highs before I got sober.  There was just the appearance of it, the faking happy, the faking fun, the faking anything and everything to keep people away.

My mind was an absolute shit show.  The thoughts that ran through it were a daily parade of self loathing, clever ideas about death, supreme inadequacy and even darker shit that was a glorious mélange of bullets, knives, blood, general fuckery, anger, hate (at myself and everyone else) and the occasional full blown fantasy of the entire world going up in smoke.

Now though, I do feel.  I mean truly feel.  The highs, the good days, the good times are epic.  However, the lows, the lows can really get you.

I had a run in yesterday with someone who I feel I helped through an incredibly serious time in their life.  I let all my guards down, I put aside my needs and wants for the most part and tried – and I think succeeded – in making the selfless choices over feeding my own needs and desires.

Again, not getting into too much detail, but quite frankly I don’t know where this person would be right now if it weren’t for me.  And of course part of me feels like a total shit for even thinking that thought.  But it is what it is.  I wont apologize for still being human and wanting to be acknowledged for putting someone else’s needs to the point of my own hurt, above my own.

I don’t really know if that’s petty.  It’s hard to say, since this is still kind of new for me.

So, this person has really turned their life around recently and I’m so grateful for that.  They deserve to be happy and I truly want that for them.

But, this run in I had on the phone with them made me feel like an absolute fool.  Like I meant nothing to them, that what I did for them didn’t matter.  I was faced with the realization that if they had to choose between making a sacrifice to help me or leave me to wallow in darkness, they would choose darkness.  Which I doubt is true, but it’s how it felt.

I certainly hope it’s not the choice they’d make.  That would really piss me the fuck off.

I don’t think this person wanted to make me feel like shit on purpose, I really don’t.  But, I feel how I feel and I won’t deny it.

So this sent me into a tailspin of shit.  Of not being able to work, of being heart sick and really wanting to drink.

But, then I told myself what I’ve been telling myself for the past 3 1/2 plus years.  Nobody forced you to do this.  You made your choice to help.  You have to embrace the fact that you were able to do this because you were sober and because you are sober you’re going to feel things.  So dipshit, do you want to feel or do you want to be numb?

I made the same choice I’ve been making.  I choose to feel.  So I took the day and readjusted myself.  I meditated for a good two hours (more of that on the next post), had a nice light lunch and then went to the gym.

Of course, through the rest of the night every time the phone rang or the text buzzer went off I thought It’s them!  They do care and they’re reaching out to let me know they’re sorry.

But it was never them.  Now, I say all this knowing full well the basic tenet of our society is that being self centered is wrong.  However, most people are benignly self centered.  Every single one of us lives in our own solar system that we share with many other solar systems in the galaxy of life.

We are the sun, the center of our solar system, the world always revolves around us.

Another thing most people don’t want to admit is that pretty much every alcoholic or drug addict (or both if you’re a multitasker) is a frickin’ narcissist.

It’s my world, my solar system, my pain, my loss.  Etc.

So I sat there a little butt hurt that this person didn’t realize they’d left me in pain, that the tone of my voice when we spoke didn’t come through or they didn’t pick up to the fact that I was not actually fine.

This is no ones fault but my own.  Look folks if you don’t communicate your feelings you can’t expect the person you’re talking to, to pull an Indiana Jones and decipher the hieroglyphics of your soul.

Communicating true feelings still make me very uncomfortable and it’s something I have to work on, I know this and quite frankly it’s not the other person’s fault I let it drop when I really wanted to keep talking at the expense of their own personal comfort.

So it’s not on them, it’s on me.

However, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt, or that this person’s inability to put my feelings first didn’t sting.  But it is what it is and even though I may be wrong, I continue to believe that this person is truly good and did not mean to hurt me.

But it still pissed me right the fuck off.

So what’s the point of all this?  Well, if you’re not an alcoholic, I suppose the point of this post was just to bitch and get some shit off my chest.

However, if you are an alcoholic and you want to stop I can tell you that sobriety is pretty damn spectacular.  You will face challenges, you will face urges and the occasional shit storm.  However, being brave enough to walk away from the self destructive numb, you will experience life, I mean truly experience it.  You’ll get all the best highs and all the worst lows.

But you will feel.

If you’re in recovery, just remember, no one is worth your sobriety.  Your mind is going to constantly try to kill you and you’re never going to be perfect. And it’s going to be the little thing that really tempts you.  It’s not going to be the death of a loved one, or losing your job.  It’s not going to be that heart wrenching break up or the argument with a family member.

The thing that will tempt you the most will be the tiniest thing.  It’ll be something insignificant that blows up inside your mind like a seemingly insensitive text or phone call.

But remember two things:

  1. No one is perfect, humans are flawed and if you want to live amongst the normals you have to cut them and yourself a lot of slack.
  2. No one, no one at all, is worth your sobriety or sanity.

Okay so that was pretty whiney and cuntish, but that’s the mood I was in and sometimes this blog isn’t about entertaining, hawking my wares or even shenanigans.  Sometimes it’s really about me and my need to clear the bad shit out of my mind so I can let the good stuff in.

You wanna bitch, then start your own blog.  On Friday I’ll be changing to a much more positive tone to discuss the value of meditation in sobriety and why connecting with your spirituality is key.

But look, let’s go ahead and cleanse the palette from all this seriousness.  Here’s a random dick pick for ya:richard-nixon-9424076-1-402

There, isn’t that better.

Now, here are some links to crap.

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

20150926_151118

Hey look at me not giving a fuck.

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about Charlottesville.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.

Oh and if you’re in Los Angeles, The Geek is available at Skylight books in Los Feliz.

Meet Your New Planetary Protection Officer.

Hey All,

I hope everyone had a good and productive week and that you have fun plans for the weekend.

So by now I’m sure most of you have heard of the Planetary Protection Officer position at NASA that is currently vacant.  If you’re unfamiliar with it, below is the link to USAJOBS which has the ad there and of course you can apply online if you meet the requirements…also spelled out in the ad.

Here’s the link:

https://www.usajobs.gov/GetJob/ViewDetails/474414000/

Of course when we hear a job title like “Planetary Protection Officer” that sounds really exciting and why wouldn’t it be.  I like to think I am a man of action and able to rise to the occasion so I followed the appropriate link and sent the following email to NASA and officially threw my hat into the ring for this exciting position.

I’m not trying to boast, but I really think I have a shot.

Below is the letter in full that I sent:

Dear Sir/Madam/Jedi/Starfleet Officer/Protocol Droid and/or Lizard Snake Man/Woman thing,

I am officially applying for the open position of Planetary Protection Officer. I feel I meet all the requirements and also bring some unique talents to the table that go above and beyond what you are looking for.

Firstly I do have a lot of engineering expertise. Not only am I a certified Level 30 Dungeon Master, I have created over 2000 dungeons and campaigns during my career and have drawn most of those on graph paper with both ruler and compass, in pen! That’s right Pen!

I have planned, organized and built most of the spaceships in the Star Wars Lego collection including the Millennium Falcon. Please bear in mind I am talking about the Millennium Falcon that is comprised of 5,195 pieces, not that amateur hour crap most people build.

Secondly in terms of planetary protection and space program planning expertise, I’ve got that covered in spades. I have played through the entire Mass Effect Series, Doom and am fluent and familiar with both Kerbal Space Program and the old Missile Command Game that a I play through my emulator. Also, let’s not forget the aforementioned 5,195 piece Millennium Falcon I built, on my own!

In regards to diplomacy I feel confident in saying that I am incredibly diplomatic and easy to get along with. I have negotiated various peace agreements amongst the members of my Dungeons and Dragons group, not only during campaign but out of campaign as well.

And if you think it’s easy getting a Dwarven Cleric and a half Orc Ranger to see eye to eye on the do’s and don’ts of dungeon exploration, then you give it a shot pal.

I do not have a degree in physical science, but I do have a degree in physical education.

Okay I didn’t graduate but I bet I can do more jumping jacks than you and I think that should go into my plus column.

I have also spent years watching youtube videos about aliens, ufos, tiny animals eating tiny burritos (that’s gonna come in handy trust me) and have even commanded my own starship in Star Trek Online. That is not a paid plug, but it’s a great game.

I am also fluent in Esperanto, Klingon and can get by in Spanish as long as I’m ordering a coke.

Now, I do think it would be fair to state what I think are my weaknesses. Should we come into actual contact with Aliens I think I’d be pretty good at handling that, though it might be a good idea to keep some adult diapers handy just in case. If they’re friendly we’d be good to go. However, any aliens bent on domination may present a problem. I am an avowed coward and honestly think I’d probably turn tail and betray humanity to our new overlords at the first sign of trouble, this would most likely happen after I put on a clean diaper.

I think that pretty much sums it up. I look forward to hearing back from you and serving my country, the planet and humanity.

Again, let’s not forget that whole 5,195 piece Millennium Falcon thing.

Klaatu Barada Nikto,

Jonathan Latt

www.jonathanlatt.com

I encourage everyone who is interested to apply for the job, but let’s be honest, I’ve probably got this sewn up at this point.

Anyhoodledoodle, on other fronts there’s a brand new podcast up today over on podbean and iTunes for The Perilous Podcast.  This week we’re talking about the infamous Black Dahlia murder.  It’s a bit sad, but very interesting.

Over on the YouTube channel we’re airing the video version of last week’s podcast all about the Men In Black.

All my organic, non gmo, locally sourced links are below.

I hope everyone has a great weekend and a productive week.  See y’all next Friday.

Best,

Jonathan Latt

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

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Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about the Black Dahlia.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.