I’m ready to admit I can’t do this alone.

Hey all,

Thanks for stopping by the mothership.  I hope everyone had an awesome week and has some fun stuff planned for this weekend.

This week it’s all about putting ego aside and admitting when you need help.  I think we’ve all been here before.  We start something and think I can handle this.  I can do this on my own. And honestly nine times out of ten we can.

However, there are times when perhaps our pride, or even our delusional nature of being stronger than we are can get in the way and before long, instead of asking for help we find ourselves in way over our head.

I think perhaps I’m getting to that point and I’m going to put ego aside and ask for help.

The short of it is, that for the past couple of months I’ve been doing my darnedest to get blocked by the President of the United States on twitter.  When I heard he’d blocked people I thought Now there’s something I could hang my hat on.

However, it doesn’t seem to be working.  I’ve created memes, I’ve been condescending, borderline offensive and have gone full on ridicule at times.  I’ve been ending my tweets with #tinyhands #sad #adulterer #lowiq and many others.

I’ve even created a whole series of tweets and memes called Kim Jong Don.

Nothing seems to be working, so I guess it’s time to ask for help.

I’m not asking you to follow me, I’m simply asking that if you have a twitter account, if you see one of my tweets that you find particularly funny then just give it a re-tweet.  Maybe, through cooperation we can get me blocked by the most powerful man in the world.

I do not plan on filing a law suit, like some who have been blocked.  It would simply be a badge of pride for me and honestly as the year draws to a close, a really great way to end 2017.

Now if you are a conservative and voted for President Trump that’s fine and I encourage you to get on board this as well.  Because if I’m blocked by him people won’t see my tweets so you can count that as a victory.

Also, I don’t want to hear that I’m disrespecting the President.  I have not once, tweeted at or replied to any tweets under the official POTUS twitter account.  That would be disrespectful to the office and I would never do that.  And honestly if President Trump only tweeted under the POTUS account I wouldn’t engage.

But he and his staff have made it very clear that even though he is the President; when he tweets under his personal account he’s simply tweeting as a citizen.

That makes it fair game in my book.  I would never disrespect the office of the President, but constitutionally speaking I’m totally within my rights to belittle the man.

So you see I’m not trying to divide us or pick a fight with my conservative friends, I’m trying to bring us all together under the banner of free speech.

‘MERICA!

Seriously I’ve put a lot of work into this and I think I just need a little help.  So if you’re willing, if you’re ready to help a fellow American, I would appreciate it.  But hey, if not that’s cool too.

But I think it would be awesome if I logged onto twitter one morning and found I’d been blocked by President Trump.

I’ve created a bunch of memes, some I’m more proud of than others and I’m going to post some here for you to use if you’d like.  So you get some cool free prizes today too.

Here’s one I’m pretty proud of:

dosxx

 

I’m also pretty proud of these:

1xdh5r

 

maralago

I’m not above using the Federation or House Stark either:

picard

mueller

And finally two from my Kim Jong Don series that I’m pretty proud of:

kimjong2

 

kimjong6

So there you go everybody.  It’s time to come together as Americans and get me blocked by Donald Trump on twitter.  If you love America, if you love freedom, if you believe in trolling as therapy then you cannot deny this call to action!

Or don’t, seriously it’s not that big of deal.

Over on the Perilous Podcast we’re talking about some lingering questions around 9/11.  Up on YouTube it’s our super, secret, Dulce Base Alien War episode.

YAY!

Have a great weekend and I’ll see ya next Friday.

Links below:

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

20150926_151118

Hey look at me not giving a fuck.

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about 9/11

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast. This week Dulce Base!

Okay let’s take a breath…

Hey All,

So I think we can all agree it’s been a hell of a week.  I’m not going to get into what the President said or who’s right or who’s wrong here.

However, I do think a general metric in how you live your day to day life can be summed up as followed:

If the former head of the KKK thanks you for something you’ve said, you’ve said something horrible.  Unless you happen to be the current head of the KKK, in which case…well done ya ignorant, racist bastard.

Angie and I are actually going to be preempting our usual podcast this next Friday and will be airing an “emergency episode” of The Perilous Podcast this Wednesday in which we cover the current shit tsunami and dig deep into the conspiracy behind the alt-right, the far left and what really happened in Charlottesville and why you should actually be way more scared than you already are.

However, in the meantime how’s about a nice way to start your weekend.

Over on The Perilous Podcast site I sit down with Bryant Dillon, co-founder of Fanbase press and fellow writer.  We talk about how comic book super heroes are becoming the new pantheon of Gods and it’s far more light hearted and fun than what’s going on now.

On The Perilous Podcast YouTube channel we have the video broadcast of our Black Dahlia podcast from last week, plus other past episodes in video form.  So you may want to give that a watch.

As for me I’m getting ready to do a bit of traveling.  I’ll be in Denver (I think) in late September for a couple days, followed by a trip to Phoenix in late October and then a jaunt down to Palm Springs in early November, so yay me and my hotel points program.

I’m pretty excited about my novella coming out in January and my new novel set for release in spring of 2018 as well as some other stuff in the works I just can’t talk about right now…but it’s all good.

Look everyone, let’s try to stay calm, maybe even distract ourselves a bit (ain’t nothin’ wrong with that) and enjoy our weekend.

I have a lovely weekend planned as I recoup from my latest Jiu Jitsu injury, including a Tchaikovsky concert this evening, a bit of work tomorrow recording some podcasts followed by a night in and then I’m hoping some video games Sunday followed by a movie before going back to training on Monday.

Plus I scored some great plums at Costco this week so that’s good.

Anyhoo, why not follow the links below for all of your distraction needs.  Pick up a copy of my pulp novel The Geek. or maybe just unplug from everything and go for a nice long hike.

But seriously, buy my book first, I don’t see why you wouldn’t.  Links for that are below.  However if you’re in the Los Angeles area or live in Los Angeles and like supporting independent bookstores why not head into Los Feliz and go to Skylight Books to pick up The Geek in paperback.

Skylight is awesome.  They support and promote local and indie authors and it’s a great place to pick up a book and browse.  I love their counterculture stuff and they have a great selection of quirky fiction.

Plus it’s right down the street from Fred 62.  A great diner with awesome milkshakes, so you can stop by there before or after your trip.

No I am not the owner of Fred 62…but I eat there frequently.

Here’s a link to skylight with their address and hours:

http://www.skylightbooks.com/search/site/jonathan%20latt

And one for Fred 62, because it’s tasty:

http://fred62.com/index.php

Have a great weekend everybody.

Best,

Jonathan

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

cropped-20151012_100243-e14448544605591.jpg

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about Superheroes becoming our new gods.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.

Meet Your New Planetary Protection Officer.

Hey All,

I hope everyone had a good and productive week and that you have fun plans for the weekend.

So by now I’m sure most of you have heard of the Planetary Protection Officer position at NASA that is currently vacant.  If you’re unfamiliar with it, below is the link to USAJOBS which has the ad there and of course you can apply online if you meet the requirements…also spelled out in the ad.

Here’s the link:

https://www.usajobs.gov/GetJob/ViewDetails/474414000/

Of course when we hear a job title like “Planetary Protection Officer” that sounds really exciting and why wouldn’t it be.  I like to think I am a man of action and able to rise to the occasion so I followed the appropriate link and sent the following email to NASA and officially threw my hat into the ring for this exciting position.

I’m not trying to boast, but I really think I have a shot.

Below is the letter in full that I sent:

Dear Sir/Madam/Jedi/Starfleet Officer/Protocol Droid and/or Lizard Snake Man/Woman thing,

I am officially applying for the open position of Planetary Protection Officer. I feel I meet all the requirements and also bring some unique talents to the table that go above and beyond what you are looking for.

Firstly I do have a lot of engineering expertise. Not only am I a certified Level 30 Dungeon Master, I have created over 2000 dungeons and campaigns during my career and have drawn most of those on graph paper with both ruler and compass, in pen! That’s right Pen!

I have planned, organized and built most of the spaceships in the Star Wars Lego collection including the Millennium Falcon. Please bear in mind I am talking about the Millennium Falcon that is comprised of 5,195 pieces, not that amateur hour crap most people build.

Secondly in terms of planetary protection and space program planning expertise, I’ve got that covered in spades. I have played through the entire Mass Effect Series, Doom and am fluent and familiar with both Kerbal Space Program and the old Missile Command Game that a I play through my emulator. Also, let’s not forget the aforementioned 5,195 piece Millennium Falcon I built, on my own!

In regards to diplomacy I feel confident in saying that I am incredibly diplomatic and easy to get along with. I have negotiated various peace agreements amongst the members of my Dungeons and Dragons group, not only during campaign but out of campaign as well.

And if you think it’s easy getting a Dwarven Cleric and a half Orc Ranger to see eye to eye on the do’s and don’ts of dungeon exploration, then you give it a shot pal.

I do not have a degree in physical science, but I do have a degree in physical education.

Okay I didn’t graduate but I bet I can do more jumping jacks than you and I think that should go into my plus column.

I have also spent years watching youtube videos about aliens, ufos, tiny animals eating tiny burritos (that’s gonna come in handy trust me) and have even commanded my own starship in Star Trek Online. That is not a paid plug, but it’s a great game.

I am also fluent in Esperanto, Klingon and can get by in Spanish as long as I’m ordering a coke.

Now, I do think it would be fair to state what I think are my weaknesses. Should we come into actual contact with Aliens I think I’d be pretty good at handling that, though it might be a good idea to keep some adult diapers handy just in case. If they’re friendly we’d be good to go. However, any aliens bent on domination may present a problem. I am an avowed coward and honestly think I’d probably turn tail and betray humanity to our new overlords at the first sign of trouble, this would most likely happen after I put on a clean diaper.

I think that pretty much sums it up. I look forward to hearing back from you and serving my country, the planet and humanity.

Again, let’s not forget that whole 5,195 piece Millennium Falcon thing.

Klaatu Barada Nikto,

Jonathan Latt

www.jonathanlatt.com

I encourage everyone who is interested to apply for the job, but let’s be honest, I’ve probably got this sewn up at this point.

Anyhoodledoodle, on other fronts there’s a brand new podcast up today over on podbean and iTunes for The Perilous Podcast.  This week we’re talking about the infamous Black Dahlia murder.  It’s a bit sad, but very interesting.

Over on the YouTube channel we’re airing the video version of last week’s podcast all about the Men In Black.

All my organic, non gmo, locally sourced links are below.

I hope everyone has a great weekend and a productive week.  See y’all next Friday.

Best,

Jonathan Latt

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

cropped-20151012_100243-e14448544605591.jpg

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about the Black Dahlia.

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Fragility of Sobriety…and some other horse shit.

Hey all,

Thanks for stopping by.  Wednesday I’ll be getting back to the micro stories, but today I felt like I should post something a little more serious.  Just for today then it’s back to the usual.

I had a bit of an odd weekend, but before I get to that I think I should fill you in on who I am and where my life is at.  For those of you who are new to my site and for those who may enjoy my posts but not know what’s up with me.

So the long and short of it (and we’ll get to the long) is that I am sober.  On the 22nd of May I will have exactly 3 and a half years of sobriety under my belt.  While I’m extremely happy with that and really can’t believe on a daily basis how much better my life is now than it was, I am also very conscious of the fact that when it comes to being sober I am still in the very early stages and don’t know shit.

I try to keep this in mind daily while not letting it overwhelm my life and thoughts.

When I first got sober I was incredibly embarrassed about it.  Hell, when I got out of rehab I told my neighbors I’d been away at a writer’s retreat for 30 days.  Over the course of my journey I’ve become very comfortable with it.  Who I am, what I was and of course what and who I’ve become.

I really try not to be that guy. You know the guy that just talks about his sobriety all the time…I hate that guy.  I’m sure I bore the ever loving fuck out of people sometimes, but I really try to not let it define me as much as I let it define my life.

And it should define my life, and of course it does.

Sobriety is a tricky mistress.  No two people can do their sobriety the same way.  I know people who never go to meetings and they’re doing great.  I also know people who hit 3 AA meetings a day 7 days a week and they too are doing great.

The main point here is what works for one person definitely will not (or more accurately will probably not) work for someone else.  For example, the thought of hitting 3 meetings a day every day really makes me want to drink.  I don’t know why but that’s just how it goes.

I’ve come up with a routine that brings me much peace, keeps me humble and more importantly helps me live a happy life as a sober person while not simply being sober.

The gist of that is that there is a difference between living a sober life and just being dry or “white knuckling” it through the day.

I have joined a great gym called Systems Training Center that really fosters a sense of community.  I do combat conditioning twice a week and Brazilian Jiu Jitus twice a week at STC.  The professors, instructors and fellow students have become friends and for a guy my age that’s a really nice bonus.

I meditate almost every day, do a little yoga once a week or so and do a very mild workout at home on the weekends usually just hitting the heavy bag for about 20 minutes.

I don’t go to meetings often but I know they’re there if I need them.

BJJ has been a really important, new aspect to my sobriety.  Staying humble is one of the best things for a degenerate alcoholic.  And nothing keeps you humble like getting the ever loving snot choked out of you on a regular basis.

Having said all that I also need to be careful that I don’t replace one addiction with another.  My body has been telling me for about a month to take a little time off but I haven’t been listening.  Which is stupid.

So this week I’ll be skipping the gym to let my body heal up, while still concentrating on my spiritual development.

This isn’t all for my sobriety though if I’m being completely honest, though it just happens to work out with the timing.

I’m in the last stretch of finishing my novella The Eastern Road, which I plan on releasing in August and it is hard to lose yourself in writing when you know you have to be somewhere…like the gym.

So this week is a double bonus.  I’ll be finishing the novella and let my body rest so that next week I can go back in full bore.

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking.  You’re thinking “Wow Jonathan I do not give a fuck about any of this boring ass, self aggrandizing horse shit!”

Fair enough, I get that but now we get to the point of the post.

So, this past weekend (Saturday to be specific) my friends Ben and Keith came into town.  They’re two of the nicest guys anyone could ever meet and I’m grateful they came into my life.  Plus we’re all just massive nerds so hanging out with them is always a total hoot.

We met up for dinner and it was just a great fun evening.

I got home and there was an email waiting for me from an old friend and drinking buddy who wanted to let me know that he was giving up the booze and wanted to live sober.  He even stated that I was partially responsible for this change in attitude.

I was humbled by this and reached out to him, just to let him know that I was here for whatever he needed.  We’re exchanging emails and hopefully I will be able to help him.

But, after I read this email I went to Facebook and there was a post about a friend of mine who’d been found dead in his apartment on April 28th.  I met this guy in rehab and we became good friends.

He’d struggled with his sobriety and I’d received maybe 5 or 6 drunken phone calls from him over the past 3 and a half years when he would relapse.  Some of the relapses were singular events but some lasted a month or more.

But, he would always get back up and recently seemed to be doing well.

The odd thing about this is, we had been playing phone tag over the past month or so.

I actually called him a few times in early April and he never returned the phone call.  Then, a few weeks ago he called me back but I selfishly didn’t pick up.  I was working on my book and part of me was annoyed that he took so long to call me back.

I didn’t return his phone call until early last week.  Not knowing that he’d already been dead for two days when I finally returned the call.

This hit me pretty hard last night.  Not the death itself which is heart breaking.  He was a young man and a father.

No, what hit me was the guilt. Did I let my friend down?  Did my selfishness contribute to his death?  Questions with no answers but a lot of blame.

I know enough to know that in all likelihood no, my not taking his call and not calling him back for a long time had nothing to do with his death.

But then again, maybe it did.  I wasn’t his sponsor but I was the one he seemed to call when he was in trouble.

These thoughts in and of themselves may seem selfish to you.  The fact that I’m making this about me and not about my dead friend.  Well, if I’m being honest with you dear reader, drug addicts and alcoholics are a selfish, narcissistic lot.  That’s one of the defects that tends to contribute to alcoholism.

But to be way more specific, I am fully aware that his death is far more important than my guilt.   But my guilt is what’s important to me, as selfish as that may sound.

I believe 100 percent that a person’s sobriety is their responsibility, but no one can do it completely alone.  A good support group be it AA or family, friends, gym mates is incredibly important.

But routine, humility and honesty with yourself are just as important.

I keep to my routine but don’t let it rule my life.  I have a great support group but don’t rely on them to keep me sober.  I stay humble as much as possible and at times can be a bit too honest with myself.

My sobriety is my responsibility.  Should I fall it will not be anyone’s fault but mine.

However, I will always wonder how different things would be at this very moment had I picked up that phone.

Did I help bring someone who thought of me as a friend to his death?  I just don’t know.  I’ll never know.

But I’ll live with it.  Try to make peace with it and move forward trying to be better, and more understanding of my friends who suffer.

If you think you have a problem there is help out there.  If you’re sober, remember to work your routine without letting it rule your life.

Stay honest, stay humble and live.

No self promoting links today, no plugs, just a weird post by someone trying to be a better man than he was who may or may not have failed a friend in need.

Best,

Jonathan

Oh Good We’re Going To War…Again.

Well there’s nothing like ending the day with a missile strike.

I was already very annoyed yesterday, so this was just the icing on the shit cake that was Thursday.

Well I shouldn’t be so overly dramatic, yesterday wasn’t too bad for me, in fact it was all in all a good day.  But, the news outlets really pissed me off.

And it isn’t necessarily the actual missile strike that annoyed me.  While I think it was a stupid thing to do and at this point a bit of a futile move by a man unqualified to be President of the United States.  I can’t get past the timing, because it seems to me this was done (more than likely) to distract everyone away from the mounting evidence of all the Russian connections to Cheeto Jesus’s campaign.

But it’s also an idiotic move.  Because to do just one airstrike doesn’t do anything.  All it does is set us up to either look ineffectual, or set us up for war.

If we strike once and do not strike again, then the enemy knows we were just grand standing.

However, if the past is prologue we’re heading into another war.  Republicans and most corporate democrats love war.  It’s good for business and good for the economy and really helps fill the 24 hour cluster fuck news cycle we’ve all become accustomed to.

Now, while I make no bones about the fact that I think President Trump is nothing more than a spoiled child with the attention span of a spider monkey on a cocaine bender, do not make the mistake of thinking about how different things would be if Hillary Clinton was President.

If Hillary Clinton was in fact the President, we’d have been in Syria by now.  Hillary Clinton is not a dove, she’s a total war hawk.  I believe we’d have been at war with Russian within a year of her administration and I do believe that if we were not at total war with Syria this would not have been the first missile strike by her administration on Assad’s regime.

The big difference here in my mind is that if Clinton was President I’d have a strong feeling of knowing that while she was going to do it, she is in fact the one who’d be making the final decisions in these matters.

With President Trump I really don’t know who made this decision, what was whispered in his ear and what the real reason for the strike is.

Because President Trump is not a smart man.  President Trump is not an intellectual.  I will say he certainly understands social media and really has some amazing gut instincts on how and when to use the bully pulpit and twitter to his advantage, but that doesn’t make him smart.  It makes him savvy.  Those are not the same thing.

It makes him a 21 year old bikini model with a few million followers on instagram and twitter.

At best it makes him Dan Blizerian.  And while Dan and others of his ilk can be very entertaining and savvy, that does not make Dan, the bikini model or Donald Trump qualified to run and protect The United States of America.

So whoever told President Trump this was a good idea (President Bannon?) has more than just a single missile strike in mind.

Ivanka must have been out of the room when this decision was made, cuz she never would have let this crap happen.  However, she could be behind the latest rumors this morning about Bannon and Preibus being on their way out of the administration, which would actually make me feel better.

Seriously, I don’t care if those two morons are replaced with Gary Busey and Omarosa, it’s better for everyone if they’re out.

In fact bringing in Busey and Omarosa would probably make me feel more safe on a daily basis than I do now.

And that is really sad.

So mark my words folks, we’re going to war, at the very least we’re gonna start bombing the shit out of Syria; but boots will probably be on the ground in a couple weeks as a “relief effort” or “Peacekeeping Force”.

But enough about all that, I want to end today on a story, something that happened to me a long time ago and has become a cherished memory.

Don Rickles passed away yesterday at the age of 90.  I did not know Don Rickles but was a huge fan and did have the pleasure of meeting him.

A very long time ago I was an usher at an AFI dinner honoring Kirk Douglas.  I was maybe 22 years old and pretty overwhelmed by the number of celebrities I was in the presence of.

As the job title implies, one of our main duties was to escort the celebrities to their respective tables when they entered the ballroom.  By absolute pure luck I had the honor of escorting Don Rickles and his wife Barbara to their table.

The table was near the front of the ballroom and that 2 or 3 minute walk with Don and Barbara was epic.  From the minute he saw me it was a non-stop barrage of insults about my looks, my rented polyester tuxedo, my sexuality, my intellectual capacity, basically anything he could think of in the short walk from the ballroom doors to his table.

I think part of him just couldn’t help it, this was who he was.  But I also truly believe that he knew instinctively, from looking at the ridiculous, ear to ear smile on my face, that this short little walk and barrage of non-stop insults was the highlight of my day.

Well he was wrong.  It was the highlight of my month.  To be a young man who grew up watching Don Rickles and now I’m being insulted by him?!  This was amazing!  It was incredible!  It was, to this day, something I think about and the memory always makes me smile.

I got the two of them to their table and wished them a lovely evening and also said how great it was to have met them.  Don turned to me and asked if there was a bar.

I said yes.

He said “Great!  Go get me two Martinis.” He then turned to his wife and asked “And what do you want honey?”

I was not supposed to serve drinks, but when Don Rickles asks you for two martinis you get that man two martinis.  So I did.

I walked back to the table, drinks in hand and placed them in front of Don and Barbara.  Barbara said thank you, Don smiled.

He then motioned for me to bend down and come close, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but he patted me playfully on my cheek with his hand, told me I was a good kid and asked me, very kindly to bring them two more in twenty minutes.

So I did.

At the end of the night as they were leaving, he and Barbara approached me, they certainly didn’t have to, but they did. Don Rickles again patted me on the cheek, wished me luck in my career and then let me know it was just too bad I had a face for radio.

It’s been 20 plus years and I’m smiling now as I recall the encounter.  He was a very sweet man and in his way made it very clear that his insults were not insults and honestly how could they be.

The only time an insult doesn’t hurt is when you know for a fact it is not said with malice.

I truly believe, even though I only met him once, that there wasn’t an ounce of malice in that man’s heart.

Rest in peace you epic, beautiful, bald son of a bitch.

So that’s where I’ll end today, there’s a new podcast up next week.  Angie and I will be talking about Roswell, but you can still listen to the premiere episode before then on podbean, iTunes and a few other places.

Also why not follow me on twitter and instagram, don’t cost nohin’

And stop by facebook, somebody really should.  All links are right here:

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA

Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp

Take care everybody, see you all next Friday.

Jonathan

 

 

 

 

The Joys of Home Ownership…at some point…I assume.

So I’ve been in the new place for about a month.  I really do love it, and having the recording studio in the house is a total game changer, but I’m still living in boxes and still haven’t really unpacked due to all of the renovations going on around the house.

We’re going to be about a week and a half over schedule but we are under budget at the moment and should end up right at the max of the budget. That includes the unforeseen disaster that was replacing both the roof on the house and the recording studio.

The crew working on my house are an amazing group of talented, honest, fun, friendly hard working guys.

But seriously, they need to get the fuck out.

I’m still working on the audio version of The Geek and it will definitely be out and available for download or ignoring by the end of October.  Just in time for the holiday buying season.  That’s right, Christmas, Chanukah and Festivus will be here sooner than you think and nothing says let’s celebrate some quasi-religious stuff like a pulp novel filled with terrible people doing terrible things, over the top violence, sex, a handful of dead hookers and a house filled with unicorns and pornography.

Yup, just like Life of Pi but less tiger sex.

If you’re in the Los Angeles area and want to pick up a paperback while supporting local indie bookstores and local writers, The Geek is available at Skylight Books at 1818 North Vermont Avenue in Los Feliz.  Lots of cool places to eat and shops to shop in down there so make a day of it.

If you’re not in Los Angeles or just don’t want to go anywhere it’s of course available on Amazon.com as a paperback or ebook and ebook all around the world on basically every conceivable site where you can buy an ebook.

And what’s this?   http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k    Oh that?  That’s nothin’.  Just a link to my goodreads page where you can check out reviews and ratings before spending your cash on something you think may suck.

You may think it sucks after you buy it too…can’t help ya there but I do hope you enjoy it.

Here’s a link to amazon with more reviews and while you’re there maybe you might wanna drop 99 cents on my tiny little collection of short stories.  I will also be doing an audio book of that sometime in November.  http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6

The last episode of Stuff N Stuff aired this past Wednesday and everybody who listens was sad to see it go (literally tens of people) however we’ll be launching a new podcast soon called The Chapel Perilous so you know, there’s that.  In the meantime if you like listening to two morons who have no idea what the hell they’re talking about all episodes are up and available to listen to or download on iTunes or here http://bit.ly/1KOLDsH

Wanna follow me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter?  Yeah me neither, but the links are up top if you’re morbidly curious.

Finally I did want to address the passing of Gene Wilder this week.  I’m a child of the seventies and Gene Wilder was a big part of that.  It really didn’t matter what movie he was in, he always made it better (like bacon).

A lot of millennial types might only know him as Willy Wonka or worse, just as that weird guy in that meme picture.  I hope people will go back and watch some of his movies so they can truly enjoy the man whose on camera personae and sincerity in every role was a joy to watch.

I’ve been digging through boxes and watching some of my favorite Gene Wilder movies the past week and I recommend the following highly…they’re listed in the order I watched them but you watch how you want:

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Stir Crazy

The Producers

Silver Streak

Blazing Saddles

Young Frankenstein (Pronounced Frahnkunshteen)

Well there you have it, I highly recommend those  and even more obscure ones like The World’s Greatest Lover.

He’s more than a meme and his movies will live on, but so will that meme and in this day and age that’s a little slice of appropriate immortality we can call a victory.

Have a great labor day to my US readers and a lovely regular weekend to everybody else.

19w7qx

7 in 1 blow

SOLACE

The wooden gate creaked only slightly when he opened it.

The smell of the blossoms was both intoxicating and relaxing.

For the first time in a long time he felt safe.

With every step toward the door, the shadows of his past fell further behind him.

The singular lamppost, glowing a soft yellow in the moonlight welcomed him home.

RESURRECTION

His old bones, stiff at first, felt younger with every breath.

His pack, though full, was light upon his shoulder.

The road, cracked and worn, lay before him out to the horizon.

The weapon, his weapon, rested upon his hip.

The dark, toned, chrome guard of the hilt caught the sunlight.

He was young again, adventure before him.

Smiling, he strode forward into the unknown.

DOUBT

The trail was old. At least three days.

It might even be false, it was hard to tell.

He thought of his home, the garden and the lamp post.

Had he made the right decision?

Was adventure not a young mans duty?

He thought of his soft bed, but pushed that aside.

He could find her, he would find her.

He’d made a promise and would keep it until death.

She would be returned, her captors brought to justice.

Rising, knees cracking, he shifted his weapon lower onto his hip.

He pushed on, rightly or wrongly, fate would decide his victory or defeat.

CONFIDENCE

His blade was thick with blood, crimson and beautiful.

His enemies lay around him. Their cries turning to ragged gasps.

The breath of the last man before him was steady and calm.

They had not expected such a fight from an old man. But they did not know him.

They did not understand who he had been. They had no idea what he’d become.

The girl, unconscious, staked down in the dirt was alive. Her clothes, muddied and torn.

The last man, the leader, howled and rushed at him. Screaming oaths of vengeance.

The old man laughed, his wounds did not bother him, the rush of combat was his world.

He raised his weapon high, the blade dripping, gleaming.

Motionless he waited with the patience of stone.

The leader got closer, the old man did not move.

The leader was screaming in rage, the old man did not respond.

The leader lifted his weapon over his head, preparing to strike.

The old man smiled.

BASTION

Three days on the road, barely a word exchanged between them.

She was in shock still, yet perhaps she would recover one day.

She was young. Younger than he’d ever been.

She would never be innocent again, but perhaps she might find peace.

She’d awoken at the killing blow. Her scream had been unexpected.

At first, she’d thought she was being saved from one demon, to be taken by another.

Her father’s sigil in the old man’s hand turned her scream into sobs of relief.

Under the caked blood, the soft smile of her savior made her feel safe.

His face, sunburned and wrinkled, was wise and weary.

He cut her loose, lifting her in his arms as if she was a feather.

He carried her for miles that first day. She’d been walking on her own since.

In the safety of the darkness beyond the fire he smiled.

She was eating, that was good, her wounds were healing, that too was good.

But the scars, the real scars would take decades to heal, if at all.

He hoped she would not be held prisoner by her trauma.

She could build a fortress within herself, allowing those she trusted inside.

He nodded to no one in particular, making a pact with himself.

He would watch over her, even after he returned her. She would never know of it.

He’d be the shadows again, but not like before.

He was something new now, and because of this he felt young.

DETERMINATION

She’d slipped her hand into his at some point, though he did not know when.

It was small and soft, he held it, not too tightly. Their arms swinging forward and back.

They would be home soon. She would be back with her people. Saved, if not safe.

He would stay too, the silent shadow. Watcher, protector, foreboding statue.

They’d given him the home, a seemingly generous and selfless boon.

His reputation had frightened them, perhaps that’s why they’d offered it to him.

Once the request had come from her father’s house, all had been made apparent.

He heard the bird, that was not a bird. The call from her father’s sentinel.

They passed between the ancient steel skeletons that once housed people.

The ghosts within the rusted bones, hundreds of years old, paid them no mind.

The message was being sent. She was returning and him with her.

The old man, the young girl, walking hand in hand smiled at each other.

The pocket of civility in this rabid world growing closer with every step.

Their pace quickened, hands clasped, their arms swinging back and forth.

MONUMENT

She stood before the wooden gate. The night was quiet and peaceful.

The house and gate, both freshly painted, stood empty.

The singular lamp post glowed softly in the moonlight.

Had it been fifty years? Fifty years since he’d saved her?

She was the leader now. The scandal of her father’s house all but forgotten.

But not him. Not the old man. He would be remembered into eternity.

The house had been his. It would never be another’s. She would not allow it.

She still remembered the day of her return, her father’s look and her mother’s tears.

The old man had remained. She had not known until much later what the true tale was.

But he had kept his silent vow, he’d protected her and her people.

It had been ten years since his passing. Ancient then, feeble of body but not mind.

No one knew how old he was when he finally passed on, but older than counting.

This house, his house, would remain his as long as she ruled, as long as she breathed.

A silent reminder to her people. There was goodness in the world, you just had to look.

The weapon rested low on her hip. His weapon, now her weapon. His final gift.

She turned and strode into the darkness. She was not afraid.

So there you have it.  I do hope the individual stories worked for you and that seeing them all together told a larger tale.  But, with experiments in writing one can never tell what’s going to work and what’s going to suck balls*

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc

Youtube http://bit.ly/1Sf9MXN

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Podcast http://bit.ly/1KOLDsH

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp

Have a great rest of the week and stay cool this weekend, unless it’s winter where you are in which case stay warm this weekend.  I’ll see everybody next Wednesday for something else cuz I have no idea what I’ll be doing next Wednesday so check back and be as surprised as I’ll probably be.

Sincerely,

Jonathan Latt

*That’s a technical term.  I’m pretty sure it’s a technical term.  Hell let’s make it one, yes now it is officially a technical term.