I’m ready to admit I can’t do this alone.

Hey all,

Thanks for stopping by the mothership.  I hope everyone had an awesome week and has some fun stuff planned for this weekend.

This week it’s all about putting ego aside and admitting when you need help.  I think we’ve all been here before.  We start something and think I can handle this.  I can do this on my own. And honestly nine times out of ten we can.

However, there are times when perhaps our pride, or even our delusional nature of being stronger than we are can get in the way and before long, instead of asking for help we find ourselves in way over our head.

I think perhaps I’m getting to that point and I’m going to put ego aside and ask for help.

The short of it is, that for the past couple of months I’ve been doing my darnedest to get blocked by the President of the United States on twitter.  When I heard he’d blocked people I thought Now there’s something I could hang my hat on.

However, it doesn’t seem to be working.  I’ve created memes, I’ve been condescending, borderline offensive and have gone full on ridicule at times.  I’ve been ending my tweets with #tinyhands #sad #adulterer #lowiq and many others.

I’ve even created a whole series of tweets and memes called Kim Jong Don.

Nothing seems to be working, so I guess it’s time to ask for help.

I’m not asking you to follow me, I’m simply asking that if you have a twitter account, if you see one of my tweets that you find particularly funny then just give it a re-tweet.  Maybe, through cooperation we can get me blocked by the most powerful man in the world.

I do not plan on filing a law suit, like some who have been blocked.  It would simply be a badge of pride for me and honestly as the year draws to a close, a really great way to end 2017.

Now if you are a conservative and voted for President Trump that’s fine and I encourage you to get on board this as well.  Because if I’m blocked by him people won’t see my tweets so you can count that as a victory.

Also, I don’t want to hear that I’m disrespecting the President.  I have not once, tweeted at or replied to any tweets under the official POTUS twitter account.  That would be disrespectful to the office and I would never do that.  And honestly if President Trump only tweeted under the POTUS account I wouldn’t engage.

But he and his staff have made it very clear that even though he is the President; when he tweets under his personal account he’s simply tweeting as a citizen.

That makes it fair game in my book.  I would never disrespect the office of the President, but constitutionally speaking I’m totally within my rights to belittle the man.

So you see I’m not trying to divide us or pick a fight with my conservative friends, I’m trying to bring us all together under the banner of free speech.

‘MERICA!

Seriously I’ve put a lot of work into this and I think I just need a little help.  So if you’re willing, if you’re ready to help a fellow American, I would appreciate it.  But hey, if not that’s cool too.

But I think it would be awesome if I logged onto twitter one morning and found I’d been blocked by President Trump.

I’ve created a bunch of memes, some I’m more proud of than others and I’m going to post some here for you to use if you’d like.  So you get some cool free prizes today too.

Here’s one I’m pretty proud of:

dosxx

 

I’m also pretty proud of these:

1xdh5r

 

maralago

I’m not above using the Federation or House Stark either:

picard

mueller

And finally two from my Kim Jong Don series that I’m pretty proud of:

kimjong2

 

kimjong6

So there you go everybody.  It’s time to come together as Americans and get me blocked by Donald Trump on twitter.  If you love America, if you love freedom, if you believe in trolling as therapy then you cannot deny this call to action!

Or don’t, seriously it’s not that big of deal.

Over on the Perilous Podcast we’re talking about some lingering questions around 9/11.  Up on YouTube it’s our super, secret, Dulce Base Alien War episode.

YAY!

Have a great weekend and I’ll see ya next Friday.

Links below:

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Stupid pictures I post of me doing stupid life stuff.

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Read my reviews before you buy my novel.

20150926_151118

Hey look at me not giving a fuck.

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Buy my novel already!  Jeez!

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA I say stupid stuff in small snippets.

Perilous Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE  Current episode is about 9/11

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Probably pictures of me getting beaten up.

Perilous Vlogcast  http://bit.ly/perilpod It’s the video version of the Podcast. This week Dulce Base!

Oh Good We’re Going To War…Again.

Well there’s nothing like ending the day with a missile strike.

I was already very annoyed yesterday, so this was just the icing on the shit cake that was Thursday.

Well I shouldn’t be so overly dramatic, yesterday wasn’t too bad for me, in fact it was all in all a good day.  But, the news outlets really pissed me off.

And it isn’t necessarily the actual missile strike that annoyed me.  While I think it was a stupid thing to do and at this point a bit of a futile move by a man unqualified to be President of the United States.  I can’t get past the timing, because it seems to me this was done (more than likely) to distract everyone away from the mounting evidence of all the Russian connections to Cheeto Jesus’s campaign.

But it’s also an idiotic move.  Because to do just one airstrike doesn’t do anything.  All it does is set us up to either look ineffectual, or set us up for war.

If we strike once and do not strike again, then the enemy knows we were just grand standing.

However, if the past is prologue we’re heading into another war.  Republicans and most corporate democrats love war.  It’s good for business and good for the economy and really helps fill the 24 hour cluster fuck news cycle we’ve all become accustomed to.

Now, while I make no bones about the fact that I think President Trump is nothing more than a spoiled child with the attention span of a spider monkey on a cocaine bender, do not make the mistake of thinking about how different things would be if Hillary Clinton was President.

If Hillary Clinton was in fact the President, we’d have been in Syria by now.  Hillary Clinton is not a dove, she’s a total war hawk.  I believe we’d have been at war with Russian within a year of her administration and I do believe that if we were not at total war with Syria this would not have been the first missile strike by her administration on Assad’s regime.

The big difference here in my mind is that if Clinton was President I’d have a strong feeling of knowing that while she was going to do it, she is in fact the one who’d be making the final decisions in these matters.

With President Trump I really don’t know who made this decision, what was whispered in his ear and what the real reason for the strike is.

Because President Trump is not a smart man.  President Trump is not an intellectual.  I will say he certainly understands social media and really has some amazing gut instincts on how and when to use the bully pulpit and twitter to his advantage, but that doesn’t make him smart.  It makes him savvy.  Those are not the same thing.

It makes him a 21 year old bikini model with a few million followers on instagram and twitter.

At best it makes him Dan Blizerian.  And while Dan and others of his ilk can be very entertaining and savvy, that does not make Dan, the bikini model or Donald Trump qualified to run and protect The United States of America.

So whoever told President Trump this was a good idea (President Bannon?) has more than just a single missile strike in mind.

Ivanka must have been out of the room when this decision was made, cuz she never would have let this crap happen.  However, she could be behind the latest rumors this morning about Bannon and Preibus being on their way out of the administration, which would actually make me feel better.

Seriously, I don’t care if those two morons are replaced with Gary Busey and Omarosa, it’s better for everyone if they’re out.

In fact bringing in Busey and Omarosa would probably make me feel more safe on a daily basis than I do now.

And that is really sad.

So mark my words folks, we’re going to war, at the very least we’re gonna start bombing the shit out of Syria; but boots will probably be on the ground in a couple weeks as a “relief effort” or “Peacekeeping Force”.

But enough about all that, I want to end today on a story, something that happened to me a long time ago and has become a cherished memory.

Don Rickles passed away yesterday at the age of 90.  I did not know Don Rickles but was a huge fan and did have the pleasure of meeting him.

A very long time ago I was an usher at an AFI dinner honoring Kirk Douglas.  I was maybe 22 years old and pretty overwhelmed by the number of celebrities I was in the presence of.

As the job title implies, one of our main duties was to escort the celebrities to their respective tables when they entered the ballroom.  By absolute pure luck I had the honor of escorting Don Rickles and his wife Barbara to their table.

The table was near the front of the ballroom and that 2 or 3 minute walk with Don and Barbara was epic.  From the minute he saw me it was a non-stop barrage of insults about my looks, my rented polyester tuxedo, my sexuality, my intellectual capacity, basically anything he could think of in the short walk from the ballroom doors to his table.

I think part of him just couldn’t help it, this was who he was.  But I also truly believe that he knew instinctively, from looking at the ridiculous, ear to ear smile on my face, that this short little walk and barrage of non-stop insults was the highlight of my day.

Well he was wrong.  It was the highlight of my month.  To be a young man who grew up watching Don Rickles and now I’m being insulted by him?!  This was amazing!  It was incredible!  It was, to this day, something I think about and the memory always makes me smile.

I got the two of them to their table and wished them a lovely evening and also said how great it was to have met them.  Don turned to me and asked if there was a bar.

I said yes.

He said “Great!  Go get me two Martinis.” He then turned to his wife and asked “And what do you want honey?”

I was not supposed to serve drinks, but when Don Rickles asks you for two martinis you get that man two martinis.  So I did.

I walked back to the table, drinks in hand and placed them in front of Don and Barbara.  Barbara said thank you, Don smiled.

He then motioned for me to bend down and come close, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but he patted me playfully on my cheek with his hand, told me I was a good kid and asked me, very kindly to bring them two more in twenty minutes.

So I did.

At the end of the night as they were leaving, he and Barbara approached me, they certainly didn’t have to, but they did. Don Rickles again patted me on the cheek, wished me luck in my career and then let me know it was just too bad I had a face for radio.

It’s been 20 plus years and I’m smiling now as I recall the encounter.  He was a very sweet man and in his way made it very clear that his insults were not insults and honestly how could they be.

The only time an insult doesn’t hurt is when you know for a fact it is not said with malice.

I truly believe, even though I only met him once, that there wasn’t an ounce of malice in that man’s heart.

Rest in peace you epic, beautiful, bald son of a bitch.

So that’s where I’ll end today, there’s a new podcast up next week.  Angie and I will be talking about Roswell, but you can still listen to the premiere episode before then on podbean, iTunes and a few other places.

Also why not follow me on twitter and instagram, don’t cost nohin’

And stop by facebook, somebody really should.  All links are right here:

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA

Podcast http://bit.ly/2och5LE

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp

Take care everybody, see you all next Friday.

Jonathan

 

 

 

 

I was fooled and you were fooled. You know that makes us all fools right?

Hey all thanks for stopping by the mother ship.

So if any of you have been paying attention at all this week you know that there have been two big stories…three if you count a smaller but almost more important one.

The two big stories this week have been the continued cabinet appointments of President Elect Trump and of course that every intelligence agency has come forward to express their sincere conviction that the Russian’s definitely hacked our election.

While the FBI and other agencies have stated that they do not feel comfortable ascribing motive as to why these hacks occurred, the CIA does feel comfortable.

However, while most agencies aren’t comfortable talking about motive, they all agree 100 percent that the Russians definitely hacked not only the DNC but the RNC as well.

The RNC has denied they were hacked, but I personally don’t believe it.

Now, we know the DNC was hacked because that information was in fact released.  Yet the RNC info was not leaked.

There’s a reason for that of course.  If Russia wanted to influence the election and help their man, in this case Donald Trump get elected, why would they release sensitive and possibly detrimental information about the Republicans to the public?

They wouldn’t.

Using wiki-leaks, Vladimir Putin pulled off a master stroke of 21st century espionage.

He had his dupes in place and really just did an incredible job…well his intelligence apparatus did.  But of course that apparatus is minutely overseen by Putin himself.

His two major dupes were Julian Assange and of course President Elect Donald J. Trump.

He used Julian’s hatred of not only government, but specifically of Hillary Clinton, knowing that wiki-leaks and Julian Assange would jump at the chance to go to war with a woman he despised.

A woman who wants to prosecute Julian Assange for acts of espionage against the United States.  A woman, who if you’re not too naïve, helped orchestrate the rape case against Julian Assange that has kept him locked up in the Ecuadorian Embassy for years.

Honestly I’d probably be pretty pissed off too, but Julian is a really smart guy, he should have realized he was being used.  So he either did and didn’t care, he was either more than a dupe or he simply got played by a man who used to run one of the most notorious spy agencies on the planet.

Personally I think Julian was well aware of what was going on but I don’t have proof of course, so am putting him in the dupe category.

This then brings us to the true dupe, and there is no doubt in my mind that this is what President Elect Trump is.

Some will argue that Trump knowingly worked with Russia, that he in fact is somehow a Russian operative or agent provocateur.

This is not the case.  Spy masters like Putin love dupes.  If given the choice a dupe is far easier to handle than say an actual operative or perhaps a recruited citizen.

Dupes bring one incredible quality to a covert operation in that they have no idea they are actually involved.

Dupes are wonderful, easily manipulated, not too bright targets, and President Elect Trump fits that description to a T.

Putin knew that Trumps ego was his in and played to that perfectly.  There were also people in Trumps team who had serious ties to Russia and Putin specifically.  Chief among them being former campaign head Paul Manafort.

Putin did not and still does not need Donald Trump to know he’s being used.  He simply has to do what he’s done for decades and that is to manipulate the pieces on the board to attain check mate.

Trump thinks he’s the King, but he’s simply a pawn and not a very smart one at that.  He continues to be manipulated from within and has appointed – as Secretary of State – a man with such strong ties to Russia that he received the Order of Friendship award from Russia a few years ago.

Rex Tillerson, a man with no diplomatic experience and a long record of shady dealings as head of Exxon Mobile is now our chief diplomat.

Well I say that now.  He has truly only been nominated and must go through a hearing after inauguration, but the chance of him being denied the position is incredibly slim.

The Order of Friendship is given for many reasons.  One amongst them being major contributions in terms of economic and business joint ventures that help Russia.

Considering Russia is a petro-economy it makes sense that the head of Exxon would receive this award.  And while I don’t think the award is that special in and of itself (Steven Seagal got one too) it is telling that the main diplomat who Trump has selected is tied not only into Russia, but Russia’s petro-economic machinery.

There is no doubt in my mind that Trump is being manipulated and if I had to put my finger on the person who in the end is most likely Vladimir Putin’s true proxy it’s probably Steve Bannon.

Bannon, Breitbart and the alt-right movement in general have been singing Putin’s praises for a while.  They see him as the leader in a traditionalist movement that will bring a very, socially conservative world to the forefront.

The fact that Putin is far more about money, power and control and (in my opinion) is only using the alt-right to gain victory seems to be missed by Bannon and his ilk.  Or Bannon just doesn’t really care as long as he (Bannon) achieves his goal too.

But while I think Bannon is being used by Putin, Putin is also being used by Bannon.  Both thinking they are the more clever of the two.  However, I’d put my money on Putin.

Here is a great article with tons of solid and actual news links that goes into great detail about Bannon and Breitbart’s relationship with Putin:

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/11/18/1601406/-Everything-You-Need-to-Know-About-Steve-Bannon-Breitbart-Russia

I am always dubious about websites with either a left or right agenda, but in this case the Dailykos’s article is so well researched that I’m giving it a personal thumbs up.

It’s also a little terrifying.

All the Trump supporters in America can claim that this is some left wing conspiracy about Russia but let’s be honest here, intelligence agencies tend to be right leaning and conservative, they also for the most part try to and are neutral and really are simply trying to protect America.

I may disagree with a lot of their tactics but I do not question their motives.

Plus the only instance of an intelligence agency mucking up this election was the FBI’s James Comey and that was not something that helped the left.

And for all you Trump supporters, if the CIA came out and said Russia hacked the election to get Hillary Clinton elected President you’d be freaking the fuck out.

I for one am not shocked and I’d be just as upset if it was Hillary who’d been used for Russia’s ends too.

I believe as screwed up as the process is, American elections should not be the play toy of a corrupt Russian Oligarch like Putin.

This is going on pretty long so let me try and wrap things up by saying that in the end, this was never going to bother the Trump supporters.  But keep in mind that those who voted for Trump voted on the promise of change, voted on the promise of draining the swamp, voted on the promise of ending corruption.

Well kids, you got just the opposite.  Trump has appointed only insiders who have ties to everyone and everything you hate; wall street, big oil, open borders for business, tax cuts for the rich, and even George Soros.

That’s right, George Soros, the alt-right’s favorite demon is represented in the Trump cabinet.

Trump is a dupe.  He’s been used and like any true dupe he has no clue.

While he’s currently on his “Victory Tour” and tossing out hats like he’s at a NASCAR race the real operatives are whispering in his ear.  They’re telling him he doesn’t need an intelligence briefing every day.  They’re telling him to delegate the big decisions to Bannon.  They’re telling him that the people love him and will always love him and that Russia just wants to be an ally and a friend.

I should point out that I do consider Hillary Clinton to be a serious Hawk.  I also believe that if she had been elected we’d be at war with Russia within two years tops.  This would be a disaster for the world and a true, country wrecking disaster for Russia.

I do not want war with Russia and I believe Russia and specifically Putin does not want war with the United States.

But Putin does not want to live side by side singing Kumbaya M’lord.

Russia does not want to be America’s equal, they want to be America’s conqueror.  And if Putin can do that without firing a shot?

Check Mate.

Everyone who voted for Trump was fooled.

Everyone who thought Trump could never win was fooled.

Anyone who still thinks Trump is a brilliant business man with no compromised world view, well, you know what you are.

In Trumps own words from his interview regarding missing intelligence briefings….”I’m, like, really smart…”

Fuck me.

This week on the podcast the bro-host and I are again talking the far left and why they need to stop being self-entitled weenies.  We explore gender versus sex and why, no matter what they are still the same thing.  We play a game called no-noun or pro-noun in which you can hear my head explode: http://bit.ly/1KOLDsH

And as we get near Christmas why not pick up a copy of my pulpy, violent, sex and murder filled novel The Geek.  Available at Amazon.com in paperback or ebook and every other site in ebook including iTunes, google books and more.  http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6

If you live in the Los Angeles area and like supporting local writers and super cool independent book stores head on over to Skylight Books in Los Feliz and grab a paperback copy of The Geek there.

Okay thanks for stopping by everybody, more next week…probably…or it’ll just be a ridiculous list of things I want for Christmas.

Hard to say at this point.

Oh and here are the rest of my useless social links:

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA

Podcast http://bit.ly/1KOLDsH

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp

 

The Ghost of Stuff N Stuff

Hidely Hodely Space Cowboys and Cowgirls.  Thanks for cycling through the air lock and paying the old mothership a visit.

The bro-host and I are currently recording podcasts for the new show The Perilous Podcast which will begin airing in late December/early January so I appreciate the patience.

However, we have both stumbled upon a ridiculous app called Candid which has turned us both into amazing, trolling, shitlords.  We were so amused we felt the need to record a spontaneous episode of Stuff n Stuff.

This was actually recorded a few weeks ago but I’ve been so busy I spaced and forgot to upload it until today.

We say and do a lot of terrible things we don’t mean so do try to lighten up and enjoy, and make sure to check your triggering at the door.  We set out in this podcast to be as extreme as possible to simply show how ridiculously fun and offensive this app can be for letting off steam and saying things you don’t mean.

Here’s a link to the podbean site and it should be on iTunes within a day or so. http://bit.ly/1KOLDsH

I’ll probably be running a series of micro stories over the next few weeks since I get a lot of dm’s on twitter from readers who really enjoy them.

In the meantime here are some handy dandy links for everyone:

Instagram http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc

Goodreads http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k

Amazon http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6

Twitter http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA

Podcast http://bit.ly/1KOLDsH

Facebook http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp

Follow me and I’ll follow back, unless you’re a porn bot.  Seriously stop it already porn bots.

If you’re in Los Angeles or coming to Los Angeles and forgot to bring a good book to read head on over to Skylight Books at 1818 North Vermont Ave in Los Angeles (90027).  They’re a really cool independent bookstore that supports local writers like me by carrying their books.

If you like a great book, but don’t know what you’re in the mood for the staff is really knowledgeable.  They have turned me onto some really great reads over the years.

If you don’t like great books, just go in and purchase my book The Geek.

Okay more to come next week.

I hope everybody has a great rest of the week and a fun weekend.

Best,

Jonathan

 

The Order of The Phoenix FanFest

Howdy All and thanks for swinging by the mothership.

As things mellow out around here and I get more into a rhythm again the updates will become more regular, which is good…I assume.

This week however I’m running around like a crazy person getting ready for Phoenix Fan Fest in Phoenix, Arizona.

I’ll be there promoting the upcoming release of the long delayed audio version of my pulp novel The Geek as well as new releases for 2017.

I’m also looking forward to catching up and hanging out with the Two Gay Geeks themselves Ben and Keith who are two of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet and have just scary, encyclopedic knowledge of all things sci-fi, fantasy, comics and general geeky goodness.

Plus I have been told there is either a damn good Chinese or Mexican meal in my future when we hang and there are few things on this planet better than sharing a good meal with good friends.

As I continue to adjust to this new world of media platforms I’m making some big moves toward becoming my own self contained colony of product.  This includes starting my own media company for all future projects in 2017 and beyond, but more on that as we approach the new year.

I’m not innovating anything really but following in the steps and attempting to copy those whom I admire like Felicia Day, Chris Hardwick and Philip DeFranco.

Basically in order to survive (and hopefully thrive) in the new entertainment industry landscape we must all become our own media empire.

While I am nowhere near empiric I am hoping to establish the aforementioned tiny little colony of my own making that will encompass both ebook, print and audio novels, my podcast, the new youtube channel and other creative ventures that will keep me mildly relevant as the yeas go on.  Or until I can finally afford that spaceship I’ve had my eye on since I was 8 and go off to explore the galaxy.

If you see me in Phoenix come up and say hi, feel free to buy me a taco because tacos are the international symbol of love and understanding.

Or I may just buy you a taco as an attempted bribe to get you to read my novel.

Oh and that whole love and understanding crapola I mentioned too.

In the meantime why not go check out all my social media or catch up on some old podcasts.  They’re pretty half-assed and craptacular but hey I know what my audience likes.

If you’re in the Los Angeles area or coming to visit why not head down to Skylight Books in Los Feliz.  Skylight is a great independent bookstore and I’ve gotten some wonderful counter culture books there over the years.  They also happen to be very supportive of indie writers which is why they carry The Geek.

Skylight is located at 1818 North Vermont Ave in Los Angeles (90027)

What’s really cool is that if you purchase my novel and tell them that I sent you, they’ll stare at you blankly, because honestly they have no idea who I am, so that could be fun.

So head on over and pick up a paperback copy of my novel and then walk up the street to Fred 62 which is a super tasty diner with amazing milk shakes.  Fred 62 does not carry my book, but I’m letting that slide because the food is so good.

Holy Jebus!  Links!

http://bit.ly/1XgDJfc Instagram

http://bit.ly/1YIWqZA Twitter

http://bit.ly/fnbrjwp Facebook

http://bit.ly/1KOLDsH Podcast

http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6 Amazon

http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k Goodreads

Take care folks, have a great weekend and I’ll see you all next week.

Best,

Jonathan

The Joys of Home Ownership…at some point…I assume.

So I’ve been in the new place for about a month.  I really do love it, and having the recording studio in the house is a total game changer, but I’m still living in boxes and still haven’t really unpacked due to all of the renovations going on around the house.

We’re going to be about a week and a half over schedule but we are under budget at the moment and should end up right at the max of the budget. That includes the unforeseen disaster that was replacing both the roof on the house and the recording studio.

The crew working on my house are an amazing group of talented, honest, fun, friendly hard working guys.

But seriously, they need to get the fuck out.

I’m still working on the audio version of The Geek and it will definitely be out and available for download or ignoring by the end of October.  Just in time for the holiday buying season.  That’s right, Christmas, Chanukah and Festivus will be here sooner than you think and nothing says let’s celebrate some quasi-religious stuff like a pulp novel filled with terrible people doing terrible things, over the top violence, sex, a handful of dead hookers and a house filled with unicorns and pornography.

Yup, just like Life of Pi but less tiger sex.

If you’re in the Los Angeles area and want to pick up a paperback while supporting local indie bookstores and local writers, The Geek is available at Skylight Books at 1818 North Vermont Avenue in Los Feliz.  Lots of cool places to eat and shops to shop in down there so make a day of it.

If you’re not in Los Angeles or just don’t want to go anywhere it’s of course available on Amazon.com as a paperback or ebook and ebook all around the world on basically every conceivable site where you can buy an ebook.

And what’s this?   http://bit.ly/1XpMF4k    Oh that?  That’s nothin’.  Just a link to my goodreads page where you can check out reviews and ratings before spending your cash on something you think may suck.

You may think it sucks after you buy it too…can’t help ya there but I do hope you enjoy it.

Here’s a link to amazon with more reviews and while you’re there maybe you might wanna drop 99 cents on my tiny little collection of short stories.  I will also be doing an audio book of that sometime in November.  http://amzn.to/1MwzPG6

The last episode of Stuff N Stuff aired this past Wednesday and everybody who listens was sad to see it go (literally tens of people) however we’ll be launching a new podcast soon called The Chapel Perilous so you know, there’s that.  In the meantime if you like listening to two morons who have no idea what the hell they’re talking about all episodes are up and available to listen to or download on iTunes or here http://bit.ly/1KOLDsH

Wanna follow me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter?  Yeah me neither, but the links are up top if you’re morbidly curious.

Finally I did want to address the passing of Gene Wilder this week.  I’m a child of the seventies and Gene Wilder was a big part of that.  It really didn’t matter what movie he was in, he always made it better (like bacon).

A lot of millennial types might only know him as Willy Wonka or worse, just as that weird guy in that meme picture.  I hope people will go back and watch some of his movies so they can truly enjoy the man whose on camera personae and sincerity in every role was a joy to watch.

I’ve been digging through boxes and watching some of my favorite Gene Wilder movies the past week and I recommend the following highly…they’re listed in the order I watched them but you watch how you want:

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Stir Crazy

The Producers

Silver Streak

Blazing Saddles

Young Frankenstein (Pronounced Frahnkunshteen)

Well there you have it, I highly recommend those  and even more obscure ones like The World’s Greatest Lover.

He’s more than a meme and his movies will live on, but so will that meme and in this day and age that’s a little slice of appropriate immortality we can call a victory.

Have a great labor day to my US readers and a lovely regular weekend to everybody else.

19w7qx

7 in 1 blow

SOLACE

The wooden gate creaked only slightly when he opened it.

The smell of the blossoms was both intoxicating and relaxing.

For the first time in a long time he felt safe.

With every step toward the door, the shadows of his past fell further behind him.

The singular lamppost, glowing a soft yellow in the moonlight welcomed him home.

RESURRECTION

His old bones, stiff at first, felt younger with every breath.

His pack, though full, was light upon his shoulder.

The road, cracked and worn, lay before him out to the horizon.

The weapon, his weapon, rested upon his hip.

The dark, toned, chrome guard of the hilt caught the sunlight.

He was young again, adventure before him.

Smiling, he strode forward into the unknown.

DOUBT

The trail was old. At least three days.

It might even be false, it was hard to tell.

He thought of his home, the garden and the lamp post.

Had he made the right decision?

Was adventure not a young mans duty?

He thought of his soft bed, but pushed that aside.

He could find her, he would find her.

He’d made a promise and would keep it until death.

She would be returned, her captors brought to justice.

Rising, knees cracking, he shifted his weapon lower onto his hip.

He pushed on, rightly or wrongly, fate would decide his victory or defeat.

CONFIDENCE

His blade was thick with blood, crimson and beautiful.

His enemies lay around him. Their cries turning to ragged gasps.

The breath of the last man before him was steady and calm.

They had not expected such a fight from an old man. But they did not know him.

They did not understand who he had been. They had no idea what he’d become.

The girl, unconscious, staked down in the dirt was alive. Her clothes, muddied and torn.

The last man, the leader, howled and rushed at him. Screaming oaths of vengeance.

The old man laughed, his wounds did not bother him, the rush of combat was his world.

He raised his weapon high, the blade dripping, gleaming.

Motionless he waited with the patience of stone.

The leader got closer, the old man did not move.

The leader was screaming in rage, the old man did not respond.

The leader lifted his weapon over his head, preparing to strike.

The old man smiled.

BASTION

Three days on the road, barely a word exchanged between them.

She was in shock still, yet perhaps she would recover one day.

She was young. Younger than he’d ever been.

She would never be innocent again, but perhaps she might find peace.

She’d awoken at the killing blow. Her scream had been unexpected.

At first, she’d thought she was being saved from one demon, to be taken by another.

Her father’s sigil in the old man’s hand turned her scream into sobs of relief.

Under the caked blood, the soft smile of her savior made her feel safe.

His face, sunburned and wrinkled, was wise and weary.

He cut her loose, lifting her in his arms as if she was a feather.

He carried her for miles that first day. She’d been walking on her own since.

In the safety of the darkness beyond the fire he smiled.

She was eating, that was good, her wounds were healing, that too was good.

But the scars, the real scars would take decades to heal, if at all.

He hoped she would not be held prisoner by her trauma.

She could build a fortress within herself, allowing those she trusted inside.

He nodded to no one in particular, making a pact with himself.

He would watch over her, even after he returned her. She would never know of it.

He’d be the shadows again, but not like before.

He was something new now, and because of this he felt young.

DETERMINATION

She’d slipped her hand into his at some point, though he did not know when.

It was small and soft, he held it, not too tightly. Their arms swinging forward and back.

They would be home soon. She would be back with her people. Saved, if not safe.

He would stay too, the silent shadow. Watcher, protector, foreboding statue.

They’d given him the home, a seemingly generous and selfless boon.

His reputation had frightened them, perhaps that’s why they’d offered it to him.

Once the request had come from her father’s house, all had been made apparent.

He heard the bird, that was not a bird. The call from her father’s sentinel.

They passed between the ancient steel skeletons that once housed people.

The ghosts within the rusted bones, hundreds of years old, paid them no mind.

The message was being sent. She was returning and him with her.

The old man, the young girl, walking hand in hand smiled at each other.

The pocket of civility in this rabid world growing closer with every step.

Their pace quickened, hands clasped, their arms swinging back and forth.

MONUMENT

She stood before the wooden gate. The night was quiet and peaceful.

The house and gate, both freshly painted, stood empty.

The singular lamp post glowed softly in the moonlight.

Had it been fifty years? Fifty years since he’d saved her?

She was the leader now. The scandal of her father’s house all but forgotten.

But not him. Not the old man. He would be remembered into eternity.

The house had been his. It would never be another’s. She would not allow it.

She still remembered the day of her return, her father’s look and her mother’s tears.

The old man had remained. She had not known until much later what the true tale was.

But he had kept his silent vow, he’d protected her and her people.

It had been ten years since his passing. Ancient then, feeble of body but not mind.

No one knew how old he was when he finally passed on, but older than counting.

This house, his house, would remain his as long as she ruled, as long as she breathed.

A silent reminder to her people. There was goodness in the world, you just had to look.

The weapon rested low on her hip. His weapon, now her weapon. His final gift.

She turned and strode into the darkness. She was not afraid.

So there you have it.  I do hope the individual stories worked for you and that seeing them all together told a larger tale.  But, with experiments in writing one can never tell what’s going to work and what’s going to suck balls*

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Have a great rest of the week and stay cool this weekend, unless it’s winter where you are in which case stay warm this weekend.  I’ll see everybody next Wednesday for something else cuz I have no idea what I’ll be doing next Wednesday so check back and be as surprised as I’ll probably be.

Sincerely,

Jonathan Latt

*That’s a technical term.  I’m pretty sure it’s a technical term.  Hell let’s make it one, yes now it is officially a technical term.